Early in my life I learned that for me to be safe, I must be invisible - don't talk unless spoken to, don't complain, don't draw attention and don't voice your opinions.
In a sense this strategy worked very well, I felt safe and secure and got very little attention paid to me.
Whilst I did indeed felt some relief through this strategy/approach, it was without it's costs. Later in my life, I wanted to do things to improve my life and yet my past was holding me back. The debt was to be repaid with interest.
One form of the costs that I had to pay is sacrificing myself for the sake of others, and I am not talking about the Hollywood type or the good kind. I am talking about total self-sabotage that leaves one miserable and questioning things. Things went from simply being about invisibility to people pleasing. Instead of confronting fears and using time and energy to prove my point, it was so much easier to agree. No no arguments, no conflicts, just agree and go on with your way.
Complying with what others wanted, left me in a a loop of infinite permission seeking with constant overthinking as a topping to the cake.
One of the primary costs incurring for me was that I building the dreams of other people and buried my own.
Now, I want to create and go for my own goals/dreams rather than doing what others expect of me. This blog is a part of that journey to see where things go.
If you're reading this, this is not a means of complaining about my life but rather a means of showing my mistakes and maybe it may help someone.
