What happens if we show ourselves to the world, as we are?...

How many people do you know who are in a relationship for fear of starting over, for not facing the silence of their house, for not wanting to answer the usual uncomfortable questions.

Whole relationships held at the tip of many needles, hooks and brooches, the same safety pins that lead us to loneliness. And so, with that material, stories are built that sooner or later hurt more than any singleness.

It's like holding the "beloved" character without rest, it's the tiredness in the background. Having to be performing at work and in privacy clearly informs you who your people are and who you choose to give the power to. There are people who want everyone to love them, that no one questions them and for that they avoid by all means that everyone is well and that the image they have of them is clean, kind, impeccable as if it were a big family without conflicts.

Definitely, the need to please, in general starts in the first groups of belonging as it is the family that goes back to how we received soft words, smiles and hugs from them when we did what others expected of us and we also received coldness, distance and anger when we did not do the things they expected from us.

Perhaps many of us saw peace in our homes, avoiding fights, maybe not saying some opinions, keeping quiet about some things or adapting to that strong character and that it was there that we learned that if we are nice everyone loves and accepts us and if we are not we are capable of losing affection in that group of belonging.

So what are we looking for with that group?... well, we seek to avoid rejection, because when we are rejected, we know that it hurt, we also seek to avoid conflict because it is capable and we do not trust to have everything we need and we avoid loneliness because we think that perhaps without the approval of others, our place in the world has no meaning.

Pleasing everyone is a great effort, reading the emotional climate is an effort, anticipating what the other is going to say, depending on how a response is and adjusting so that I do or say??? To like, to please each person is exhausting, exhausting and the more we adapt to please the more we move away from our own limits, and there will always be someone who does not connect with us. In addition, when we invest so much energy in pleasing everyone, we are neglecting the most important approval that is "ours" that is, accepting ourselves as we are.

What happens if we show ourselves to the world as we are? I can tell you that this question does not eliminate our human desire to be accepted, but it puts us in a referential framework of much more respect and above all gives us the compass back to what we want and not to what others expect of us.

In short, like all things in life, there is a healthy balance, or it's about us changing 180 degrees and becoming indifferent and arrogant, or not taking care of our relationships, our bonds, it's about recognizing that not everyone has to agree with one for our life to be valid, then the final question is... Am I willing to please, myself? Even if it means that not everyone does them when we stop needing everyone to approve of us. It is the best way to regain the right to live in peace with the person we are and that peace is worth more than any forced smile or any applause.

Janitze 💐