IJCH - Inside JaiChai's Head
From the Author:
Salutations.
I am JaiChai.
And if I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you before, I'm delighted to make your acquaintance now.
I invite you to interact with everyone, learn, and have as much fun as possible!
For my returning online friends, "It's always great to see you again!"
To everyone, but no one in particular, an obnoxious, angry, and inebriated British ex-pat named Tom blurts out, "Is it me or are all the waitresses here fuckin' idiots?!"
He went on with, "Jesus! They've fucked up my drink order three times now!"
Although the restobar was almost full, nobody acknowledged Tom's utterings, choosing to respectfully ignore whatever he was currently complaining about.
Most of us ex-pats have seen and heard Tom's shtick way too many times to fall into his "Let me tell you what's wrong with the Philippines" trap - a pit that takes hours to escape from as long as Tom and you are in the same bar.
I don't consider him a friend.
In fact, I'd strongly prefer a nameless stranger in an elevator more than spending one minute with Tom.
Unfortunately, running into him at my favorite restobar is unavoidable, a distasteful guarantee.
He was frequenting this restobar more often lately.
Why?
Because this is one of the very few places where Tom has not already been deemed persona non-grata by the owner.
Given the way Tom would drink himself into an obnoxious, reasonable facsimile of Col. Jessup (played by Jack Nicholson) in the movie "A Few Good Men" and harassing the staff to the point of producing waitress' tears, getting barred from numerous establishments was inevitable.
For some reason, he always seemed to gravitate towards me whenever he saw me.
Maybe it's because no one else can tolerate him? I don't know. To be honest, I can't either.
Or maybe it was that I always made it a point to extricate myself from his presence as diplomatically as possible?
I only did this 'cause if I didn't, I suspect that Tom would just follow me around the bar and continue talking louder, increasing his volume with each step until the whole restobar could hear his narrative.
And of course, I would appear "guilty by ass-ociation".
Presently, I was praying that my buddy Joel would show up soon or I'll have to come up with yet another expedient/plausible excuse to distance myself from Tom.
In my head I was screaming, "Come on Joel! Where the Hell are you?!"
It was well-known that Joel and Tom had a mutual, longstanding dislike of each other; which of course, is very convenient for me.
Thank the Lord Buddha.
I could see Joel's white Toyota sedan pulling into the parking area!
As Joel was walking from his car towards the bar, I turned to Tom and said, "You'll have to excuse me. I have some urgent business to discuss with Joel now. Have a good night."
I got up from the bar stool and started walking towards the entrance to greet Joel.
That's when, from behind me, I heard Tom shout something that made me stop in my tracks, cringe, reflexively tighten shoulders and clench both my teeth and fists.
It was "the straw that broke the camel's back" for me.
Tom shouted, "Hey JaiChai! No offense, but how can the International Tourism Board rate the Philippines as one of the top English Speaking Asian countries worldwide?"
Then clearing his throat, he spit a nasty hawker towards the grass, but it fell short and the goober plopped on the restobar's tile floor instead.
I thought to myself, "Real classy, Tom. Real classy."
Then Tom, oblivious to the looks of utter disgust and contempt from the restobar staff, continued his rant, shouting, "These waitresses' English sucks! The fuckin' little idiots haven't understood a fuckin' thing I've said all night!"
Try as I might, I just couldn't ignore Tom's cruel and rude remarks.
I had stopped just short of the entrance and mouthed to Joel, "Hold-up, I need a couple seconds, okay?"
Joel nodded, smiled, and gave the "OK" sign, followed with a thumbs up.
I turned around towards Tom.
And speaking loud enough for the staff to hear me, I said, "Hey Tom, to be honest, when you've had too much to drink, even I can't understand you! And BTW, making fun of someone else's English skills only makes you look foolish; or in your words, "a fuckin' idiot". It shows that you have plainly overlooked the fact that the person you're making fun of speaks at least two different languages. How many languages do you speak?"
For once, Tom was speechless. He just stood there, wide-eyed and mouth open.
Then suddenly, something remarkable happened, a thing that has only happened once before in my life.
Somewhere in the back of the restobar, a customer began clapping. Then the staff joined in. And within seconds, everyone else did too.
What began as a lone faint clapping sound turned into an uproarious, three and a half minutes long, standing ovation!
It was surreal.
When the applause subsided, Joel gave me a slap on my back and pointed to the bar with his thumb. I got the message and headed towards the bar.
As we walked to our favorite bar stools - the ones that offered a panoramic view of the place and more importantly, the closest stools to where all those cute waitresses would congregate while waiting to pick-up and serve orders, Joel exclaimed, "Damn, I can't believe it, JaiChai! It's been years, but today's the day!
"What are you talking about, Man?" I asked.
With a Cheshire Cat smile, he whispered, "Ever since I met you, I've always wanted to say this. Ok. Wait for it... Wait for it... You ready?"
He paused for effect, then looked at me for a few seconds.
Clearly annoyed, I said, "Alright already! Get on with it!"
He then proceeded to do his best caricature of me; that is, standing contrapposto (see below for clarification), he put his right hand in his pocket, raised his left hand, put his chin in the "V" of the thumb and forefinger, raised his left eyebrow (Spock-like fashion)...
...and stoically said,
We laughed all the way to our bar stools.
"Evening JaiChai. Evening Joel. The usual?" asked the bartender.
We both nodded.
And that's when we realized that Tom was nowhere to be found.
Imagine That?
By JaiChai
Contrapposto - (Italian pronunciation: [kontrapˈposto]) is an Italian term that means counterpoise.
It is used in the visual arts to describe a human figure standing with most of its weight on one foot so that its shoulders and arms twist off-axis from the hips and legs in the axial plane.
This gives the figure a more dynamic, or alternatively relaxed appearance.
May you and yours be well and love life today.
Namaste (I recognize the divine in you, my friend).
Really Appreciate You Stopping By.
Truly hope to see you again!
And if you liked my post, kindly Upvote, Comment, Follow, and Resteem.
About the Author
Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an AA, BS and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic.
In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he performed high altitude, free-fall parachute jumps and hazardous diving ops in deep, open ocean water.
After 24 years of active duty, he retired in Asia.
Since then, he's been a full-time, single papa and actively pursuing his varied passions (Writing, Disruptive Technology, Computer Science and Cryptocurrency - plus more hobbies too boring or bizarre for most folk).
He lives on an island paradise with his teenage daughter, longtime girlfriend and three dogs.
"Power House Creatives - Superlative Member Support and the Supreme Welcome Party for all new Steemians!" - JaiChai
(More articles by JaiChai can be found on the Busy.org website. Use this link to visit Busy.org. Better yet, come join the Busy.org community!)
"My mind was a terrible thing to waste..." - JaiChai
