The humans.. they can make friends with ANYONE. They can tame almost ANY species. For as long as we can remember, the Thranityr variant known as Vorax were a scourge. They were one of the most terrifying races out there, cognizant-eaters! How.. humans have begun to befriend and change their very culture. No more killing and eating of cognizant, fewer piracy incidents.... what else is going to happen? We're not ungrateful but we have.. concerns. -- Anon Guest
The Thranityr knew where they weren't welcome. Thanks to Pax Caseus, the raids of the Vorax were dwindling slowly away. A little too slowly for anyone looking nervously at them whenever they ventured near the Alliance's Edge.
It helped if they had a Human with them, and they understood why fear and hostility existed. The Alliance had come together in the first place to stand united against the Thranityr in general and the Vorax specifically.
Now this dangerous child race called Humans had changed everything. With cheese.
The rest of the Alliance hadn't quite got the update about that. There were still polities experiencing raids, and the Human capacity for recycling memes didn't help with that. They wanted a saner strategy plan than throw the cheese.
The fact that it worked was even more annoying.
Cheese was a miracle for the Vorax. Their formerly endless appetites could be easily sated by decent wheel of common cheddar. Then they learned about others. Brie, Gruyere, Swiss, Gorgonzola... it was all a wonderful boon for the Vorax. Especially Wensleydale.
They had never had so many flavours to so many calories and in such small parcels before.
The Alliance found this worrying to say the least, and instigated an extended conversation with the Fellowship of Terran Planets.
"Listen," said the Alliance. "We know your lot are naturally friendly. We've had discussions about your insane desire to pet every living creature in the cosmos."
"We're very lucky to live in a universe full of creatures that love to be petted," said the Humans.
"Ye-e-es," sighed the Alliance, "And your ability to find understanding between species is ludicrously effective. And that's becoming a problem. You know we banded together because of your new friends, right?"
"But this is a good thing," insisted the Humans. "Now we can all be friends and sell them cheese!"
"We've discussed cheese before. It's almost as dangerous as you are. Making friends with the help of controlled substances[1] is a disturbing habit of yours."
"It works, though."
The Alliance could feel another Humanity-related headache coming on. "All right. Yes. It does work. Can you guarantee that they won't run amok if we let them in?"
"You didn't have that guarantee with us and you let us in," said Humanity.
"That is not the endorsement you think it is," sighed the Alliance.
The debate would continue for decades.
[1] Spores, moulds, and fungii are capable of wreaking havoc on sealed environments. Therefore all cheese is transported in hermetically sealed stasis containers, or irradiated to the point where no more spores can exist.
[Photo by Azzedine Rouichi on Unsplash]
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