Am I ready to be a responsible parent?

If you clicked this because of the caption calm down I am not pregnant, I am not on the verge of having an abortion neither is the baby in the picture my daughter😂

So today was one of those days I had to reflect on my life for a few hours and I had to ask myself some pertinent questions.

For the longest time, I have always ran away from responsibilities, if you ever assign me a leadership role, I’d turn it down or would love to co-lead with someone else. My reason for running away from leadership roles and anything that would make me accountable or responsible for a person or group of people is my fear of screwing things up. I always have this fear, that things would blow up in my face by just making a silly move.

I don’t know why I always feel like I could mess things up any moment I’m put on the spot but that is my reality, and I guess I will have to deal with this feeling of doubt before it actually does ruin me

So today I thought about being a wife and a mother. I guess this is one role I wouldn’t be able to ditch because I have to be responsible and held accountable for the little humans I’d bring to this world as well as my partner.
The big question is would I screw it up? Would I take up the role just fine? I guess I’d have to find out when the time comes.

I have watched my friends move from single ladies to wives and then mothers, I have watched their way of life change right before my very eyes, and in my humble opinion, they seem to be doing just fine regardless of all the ups and downs. Worthy of note is my friend Amenaa.
I wrote a beautiful letter to my friend a few months ago when she was pregnant, four months later her little princess was brought into this world

I’ve watched her deal with postpartum depression, I’ve watched her pause her business and I’ve watched her struggle and transform in all sides for the sake of her baby.

With every new level, she unlocks I can’t help but question myself, can or will I be strong enough to do all of these without breaking down, hurting my baby, or making my marriage suffer?
I am saying all of these because I am not strong like so many people and my threshold of pain is very very low and I keep wondering how I’d cope when I finally get there.

A lot of people say and also believe that once you get to that phase of your life you’d do just fine, you’d adapt and love it. I am hoping and praying that this saying is true, that I’ll do just fine when that time comes because using my imaginary binoculars to take a peek into my future all I can say is that there are a lot of things I feel I am not prepared for. But thinking about it, I will just have to wait and see, as they say, experience is the best teacher, I hope my experience is great.

So I’m trying to keep an open mind, I’d try to face whatever comes my way head on, just maybe things might not be as bad as I think, until then fingers crossed😃

I don’t know if I am the only one who feels this way about my future, if you can relate to this or have a similar experience I’d love to read your thoughts in the comment section.

_{All images are mine except otherwise stated.}