Zipper Trauma
There was a time when all jeans had buttons. Then, in the name of efficiency and convenience, zippers became the most accepted and used method of closure. From then on, “zipper trauma” became a real thing, as real and ubiquitous as La Llorona or teen pregnancy.
Back in the day, in a small town where most boys had few or shredded underwear, it was expected that sooner or later you would suffer the bite of the mighty zipper.
Girls might have the same undies problems, but they needed not to worry about zippers.
Zippers were a very masculine fear, way before boys had to handle puberty, bullies, or the first kiss. The grown up women in the house always had merciful solutions. Embarrassing as it was, boys always wished to have a grown woman available to help them out of that pickle.
Grown up men, on the other hand, were ruthless, both in the mocking and the painful solutions. Some boys carried scars that had nothing to envy from Jews’ circumcisions, all thanks to irrational character-building masculinity.
It was a blessing that button pants were invented. We wonder why it took them so long to make them fashionable. It took the zipper fly engineers decades to perfect this devilish mechanism. It was probably God's hand trying to persuade them not to. However, as always, men find a way to eat from the forbidden fruit and inflict suffering upon themselves. Button pants may be less practical under some circumstances, but boy, they would have spared us so much pain and trauma.
Death to the zipper!
Thanks for your reading
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