(Side note for 
There is an old saying "Forgetting to plan is the same as planning to fail". It is kind of funny and kind of sad because if you look at the number of people who are putting money away for retirement it is not nearly enough. Indeed a quick Google search tells me that only 20-30% of Canadians are on track for their retirement. That means a lot of people aren't prepared at all.
You know what is worse? Saving money for retirement isn't actually that difficult. Just make a plan and put money away every month. However, a lot of people just look at the first part of retirement when they have free time to do the things they want. Those are the days that require the money. I'm going to hazard a guess that most people don't look at the last half of their retirement. When they are aged, feeble, and unless they take steps to prevent it: Largely forgotten and treated just like an old keepsake. Brought out on occasion to enjoy but largely put into a cabinet and forgotten.
Recently I watched the series "Man on the Inside" on Netflix. It's about an aging widower who infiltrates a care home to try and solve the theft of a valuable piece of jewelry. The heist is just a small part of the show though. It shows how the widower goes from independent at home but with no real connections or meaning to a care home where he makes friends and watches everything that goes on.
Ted Danson's character goes from having no real purpose to having a job, making friends, and feeling like part of a community. The show doesn't shy away from topics of aging though. It highlights how even as people age they still want love, friendship and company. It shows that they get forgotten by families that are too busy to care. It shows how death becomes the other person in the room many times as people are aging.
But my question is: Is obsolescence and being invisible something that we can plan for?
Now I'm hopefully retiring in February next year. It was supposed to be earlier but things just didn't quite work out that way. Still as I enter retirement I've spent a lot of time thinking of the financial side of things as I have no great desire to be unable to feed myself or be homeless as an elderly man. However, I've also given consideration to how to prevent obsolescence and keep myself relevant as I age....or at least try to keep a small circle of friends.
The first step in the plan is to retire TO something rather than just retire FROM something. Many people just have worked so long and they hit a magic number and they say "I'm Done" without any thought as to what to do next. They end up looking at the same walls in the house and have nothing to do! Eventually they find something to keep busy, go back to their old job, or they wither and die.
For myself? I have a property I want to turn into a campsite and food forest. Inviting people to the property and maintaining it will certainly be work and something to keep me involved.
But I am unlikely to be able to do that forever. My body will become increasingly frail as I get older. So, when the time comes I'll move to Saskatchewan where I purchased a home with a small suite. The plan? Hire a live-in-caregiver and live close to town so I can get out and enjoy life with a little extra help at home so I don't need care.
But there will be a time when I'm aged and even a little help won't be enough. Unfortunately at that time I'll be left with two options and neither is attractive:
Guess what. Neither is an awesome choice.
So, where should that final address be?
If you ask my parents in law that is in my house. Here they have a safe place to stay, they have food in the pantry, cheap rent, family to talk to, and someone right there in case of emergency. There is also family nearby when things come up that they don't understand like taxes, benefit changes, or even little things like "Youtube isn't working" or "Can you fix my messenger".
And for Filipino parents that is normal. If we even considered putting them into a care home they would be very deeply offended. However, my children are Canadian. The thought of living with their parents as they age is very foreign to them. When they have their own families I'm quite certain I will not be welcome with them for the long term if there is any other option. Sure a little hand every now and then would be OK but actually living in the home and requiring care? I'm certain it would not go over well.
In that light I have a small suite in my current home. I'm hoping that one of my children will take over the home and my wife and I can live in the suite when we get old enough to need more continual help. The emphasis is on help though. Once I need actual care? I'm expecting my children to put me in a long term care facility.
Guess it is part of the Canadian culture. I raise my children to be independent and stand on their own. But that also means I am supposed to be independent and live on my own also. Asking for care in my old age from my parents would seem like I was going back on my teachings that they should be independent.
The bigger problem is staying useful in old age. To be more than just someone who eats and sleeps.
I mentioned my early retirement doing bigger things. However, as I age even smaller things like helping out in church will become important just to stay active and interact with people. Caring after grandchildren or making family dinners can also be useful.
But what if I'm stuck in a care home? Well, luckily with todays technology there are many online games where I can still join and try to be useful for the team. Sure my gaming reflex will be awful but maybe my presence and availability can help me be useful for the crew.
Just finding a way to stay useful, really important. Staying active is the other half. Often times the two things go hand in hand. Just recently I heard about an elderly lady in her 90s who was asked what the key to longevity was and her response "Keep on moving, when you stop they put you in a box".
In the end either option is viable.
If my family has space and we can help each other out I think I'd enjoy being with them. If I am a burden and just getting in the way I hope they find a nice care home for me.
If my health requires constant attention I hope they are wise enough to put me somewhere that I can get that attention. I also hope that I'm with it enough to keep on fighting to find interesting things to keep me occupied.
There really isn't a "Right" or "Wrong" answer but every family has to weight the need in each situation. My wife grandmother lived with family until 95 and was happy because of it. My stepfather had to go into a home at the age of 75 and he got the care he needed.
I've made my plans so I can try to stay out of a home or my children's house as long as I can. Exercise, purpose and a little planning mean I can stay independent for a long time to come. But I've also mentally prepared myself that someday I'll need to get care and when that time comes I'm going to make sure I'm doing something so I don't just fade to obscurity. Well, eventually all people do, but hopefully not while I'm still alive.
Thanks for taking the time to read,
Feel free to leave comments as I always like comments
