I was in so much awe of the strange, but sometimes funny, things that came out of childrens' mouths that I was convinced they were alien incarnates at some point. So naturally, I kept a log of their little sayings between the ages of 5 and 7 for future entertainment purposes. They don't remember saying half of them now, but it doesn't matter, it's been immortalized forever on the Internet. Enjoy!
Son: I think I'm half alien and half human. But in this world, I'm human.
Me: Do you love me?
Son: Why do you ask these things? Of course.
Daughter: I want to watch Dr. Seuss because it teaches responsibility, whatever that means.
Son: I tried wishing on a star, blowing on dandelions, wishing on 11:11 two times, but my toy didn't come in the mail yet.
Daughter: What are those?
Me: Board games.
Daughter: You mean for Xbox?
Me: No...
Daughter: Well I don't like board games because it starts with the word 'bored.'
Daughter: I wish the world was different. Is there a place where we don't have to do chores?
Son: Yeah, in another dimension.
Son: I am learning to cook things now...
Me: Oh really? Like what?
Son: I can make my own popcorn in the microwave and make cereal.
Son: Eat this, it's a Godstopper. If you chew it, you will die.
Letter from my daughter to my son:
I just want to say that in the outside you're mad and mean, but in the inside you're friendly and nice.
Son: Why are you so small?
Aunt: What are you talking about? Me and your mom are the same size.
Son: No, mommy's like a gallon bigger.
Me: Eew the dog just farted.
Daughter: I know... It smells like barbecue.
Daughter: You are the best mom. I'm never going to let you not be my mom.
Son: Please cut me a mango... Don't peel, cut it.
Me: Ughh, you're so high maintenance... where did you get that from?
Cureton: From you.
Son, on if he ruled the world: There would be no car crashes, wars, taxes, and bills, then I would give everyone fatter paychecks.
A lyric from daughter's rap song: My power's more higher than a tower.
Son: I like the song 'Got Lost in the Supermarket' more than 'London Calling' because it reminds me of the time I got lost at Lowes.
Son, passively asking about homosexuality: A boy said I was extremely handsome and a girl told Ava she was pretty. What does it mean?
Son: The dog's licking his business.
Me: Why do you call it 'business?'
Son: Because it's private and I don't want to say 'wiener.'
Daughter: There's another world out there, where people only love each other.
Me: You should sing more.
Son: I was born to build and create things. It would sound weird if I sang in public. I'll just sing at home as a joke.
Son, on McDonald's giving away free sundaes: Is this the plan of the government?
Me: Can I borrow your hat?
Daughter: Yeah. I guess that's fair, you gave me life.
Me: Can I have some of your water?
Daughter: No, drink daddy's. He's your husband.
Me: Watch your attitude.
Daughter: I can't help it, it's in my DNA.
Daughter: I love bacon.
Son: Stop eating pork or you'll die. You have to be a vegetarian. Like when you eat a cheeseburger, you have to get lettuce on it.
Typical argument with each other--
Daughter: You are a butterfly with daisies on your eyes.
Son: You are an empty house.
Daughter: You're a grown up, I'm a kid. We're a different species you know.
Me: I'll be upstairs cleaning your room. (expects her to come and help)
Daughter: Okay, let me know if you have any problems.
Daughter: Are you even listening?
Me: Hmm?
Daughter: You're not listening.
Daughter: When people die, it's just their appointment.
Daughter: Maybe I'll be a pediatrician. I love working with kids. (she's 5)
Son to Daughter: If you're a lawyer, you would fail at your job because I just won the argument.
Daughter: I got a super clean book from the library today. It doesn't even have a single booger in any of the pages.
Son: All my life I thought this was called an elevator.
Me: Yeah, it's an escalator.
Son: Well, I don't want to change it.
Me: When you make your dream board, don't put unicorns and flying.
Daughter: Can I put a baby sister?
Me: NO.
Daughter: Why not? That's realistic.
Me: What video are you watching? They're saying too many bad words.
Son: It's just a form of expression...
Dad: How do you know what a pixel is?
Daughter: I'm not dumb, Dad.
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