KINDNESS
There's an unspoken quality in social interactions that kindness is a quality of trustworthy people. This rule indirectly states that nice people can be trusted. But the worry is that kindness isn't always sincere. So there's no guarantee that it's really sincere, and in some cases, it can even hide a really hostile, even aggressive personality, which should be avoided and distrusted.
You've been with people who, at first glance, seem quite charming, who inspire confidence, but at the same time, you have a certain intuition. You sense something wrong, something strange, a sense of discomfort, a feeling of unease. You don't know why, but you sense something fishy. Then you start to rationalize your thoughts, and say it must be subjective. You come up with all kinds of arguments to put an end to this intuition. You're right from the start, your intuition was right, because your intuition, I prefer to say it's your visceral instinct, it's your body, it's your nervous system that has been able to detect micro-expressions of aggression, especially on the face. Sometimes, it's the person's entire non-verbal expression.
NEUROCEPTION
This is our nervous system's decoding mechanism, which is much faster than our sensory perception and logical thinking. Whether you like it or not, your nervous system is equipped with a radar, a very powerful technology for detecting these signals. Even animals have this ability. They're equipped with the same technology. So we're not talking about prejudice, we're not talking about an impression that has already made its way into your brain. We're not talking about interpretation, we're talking about a survival instinct.
The problem is that our programming, our beliefs, societal norms, brainwashing and education have all disconnected us from our instincts, and we no longer know how to listen to them. The problem for most people isn't listening to their instincts, it's the opposite. It's that we don't listen to our instincts. We question ourselves. We try to rationalize. For my part, one of the signals I've noticed on several occasions and which has always made me extremely uncomfortable, but which I've always challenged by saying that we mustn't be judgmental, we mustn't be prejudiced about people, I'm wrong, it's because I'm tired, it's because I'm anxious, it's because the person is tired, it's because the person is going through a difficult period, there were a whole bunch of arguments like that that came up time and time again to justify this extremely unpleasant feeling.
One of the signals is a piercing stare accompanied by a false smile. As soon as I turn around, the person's expression changes instantly. I'm not suggesting that you should be suspicious of everyone, or pigeonhole people on the basis of intuition or first impressions. But if you do feel uneasy, especially physically, try to see if there are other elements that fit with that first intuition.
SCHOPENHAUER'S METHOD
In his book "Schopenhauer's Method", Robert Greene suggests testing a person's envy by telling them good news about you and observing their reaction. You'll most likely notice a micro-expression of disappointment that they can't hide, that they can't conceal. And even if they try to hide their disappointment, you'll notice a tension in their voice, a tense tension or a strained smile, which means they can be artificially warm. I've known people like that, their voice is tense, their breathing is quicker. You sense that it's not natural or sincere, and you know it. Likewise, if you share bad news, you'll most likely notice uncontrollable micro-expressions of unhealthy joy at your pain, or "Schadenfreude".
It's a German name made up of "Shaden", meaning to hurt or do harm, and "Freude", meaning joy. So Schadenfreude refers to unhealthy joy, or rejoicing in the misfortunes of others. Schadenfreude is a consequence of envy and covetousness, and has a very specific role in the psychodynamics of aggressive personalities in disguise, or hostility in disguise. In fact, these are people who are constantly making social comparisons, especially with people who are perceived to be happier, more beautiful, richer, brighter. Mind you, perceived, that is, from their point of view. It's not necessarily logical or factual. It's in the person's perception, and these constant comparisons engender feelings of inferiority, which in turn provoke envy. Schadenfreude is therefore a logical consequence of envy, as it allows them to temporarily relieve their feelings of envy and the bitterness it conceals. It's part of their mental structure, but it's a vicious circle, because rejoicing in the affliction of others doesn't solve the underlying problem. On the contrary, it fuels further hostility and resentment.
So I ask you: should we be wary of these people? My personal answer is YES. And how do you know? I think experience teaches us a lot. You can feel it, and you know it somewhere, don't you? Those looks full of animosity, especially when they think you're not giving them the attention they deserve. Yes, because they're always trying to hide their envy. The look in their eyes is very revealing, in my opinion. Generally speaking, envious people have that look that makes you feel extremely uncomfortable. It doesn't make you want to look them in the eye. You feel as if that gaze is burning you, piercing you. Then there are all those micro-expressions on the face, especially the mouth. And there's a reason they call it the bitterness fold.
In fact, the corners of the mouth are usually turned down, even subtly. I told you, they're really micro-expressions. It's not usually very obvious. These people will put a lot of effort, an enormous amount of effort, into hiding their desire, and these micro-expressions generally don't last long. They last a few microseconds, but our nervous system is perfectly capable of detecting them.
There are also many behaviors and attitudes that are typical of people with a hidden aggressive tendency. Watch out for them, because you never know what they might do to harm you.
BETRAYAL IS A CONSEQUENCE OF ENVY
Even if envy is a perfectly human emotion, we're dealing here with people who are incapable of containing this hostile emotion. Their feeling of inferiority becomes truly unbearable, to the point where they become determined to fight this envy by any means necessary, in a destructive manner, whatever the cost.
In his book "The 48 Laws of Human Nature", Robert Greene devotes an entire chapter to envy, an emotion he describes as elusive and almost imperceptible. According to the author, what makes it so frustrating and dangerous is that it is almost never expressed openly. People don't express their envy, they hide it, because envy emanates from a feeling of inferiority, but also of injustice. It's extremely painful to admit this inferiority.
Even though it's a completely human emotion, some people are permanently contaminated by envy, i.e. they are imbued with this hostility. It's not a passing feeling that emanates from an occasional injustice. No, it's their personality style. They are intrinsically envious of everything, always feeling that they are eternally victims and therefore have been unjustly treated as inferior. They are constantly indignant. They consider that if you've managed to achieve something, if you've succeeded in a project, if you have certain physical attributes, if you're good-looking, if you've earned more money, etc., then you must be luckier, and they are disadvantaged. Either you've had preferential treatment, you've benefited from certain privileges, and they haven't. Or you have no scruples, and they, of course, are always disadvantaged.
They are always victims. Injustice always comes down on them. Even though it can happen to anyone to feel moments of injustice, I'm not talking about that. I'm really talking about a state of mind and the expression of this hostility. In most cases, it's done in a disguised way through hostile criticism, poisonous phrases, backhanded compliments, especially indirect sabotage.
This can be seen a lot in the professional world, for example, by touching your reputation, spreading rumors to sully someone's reputation, deliberately omitting to pass on important information, insidiously touching on your insecurities, or bringing up old conflict files that have already been dealt with, discussed, but which they bring up again at every opportunity.
In fact, they never miss an opportunity to send you poisoned arrows. All these aggressive, disguised behaviors enable them to counterbalance their social position, i.e. perceived inferiority, by causing harm to others. And when you're the target of it, you don't even suspect that it's envy that's driving them.
ENVY
When envy becomes embedded unconsciously in the personality, it drives people to hostile and antagonistic behavior. In this article, I'm going to take a closer look at the subject of envy, particularly envy that leads to hostility in disguise.
In the literature, envy is presented as an emotion of aggression, an affective state that can lead to aggression, whether verbal, psychological or, in extreme cases, physical. Let's just say that in the majority of cases, aggression is disguised as hostility, because envy is often accompanied by a feeling of powerlessness. So, not everyone will act out, but in rare cases and depending on other factors, aggression takes brutal forms with an act of aggression. But I'd say that's not the general rule. It's a small percentage of the population that can be described as envious personalities, in the sense of pathological envy.
According to researcher "Ingrid Vendrell-Ferran", in her publication entitled "Hostile affective states and their self-blinding style: envy and hatred", envy is considered a socially unacceptable emotion, even a sanctioned one. Indeed, envy is almost never expressed openly, as this emotion conceals a feeling of inferiority and a very negative self-perception that remains unspoken.
To avoid confusion and extrapolation, this perception is subjective to the individual. So, admitting one's envy implies acknowledging this state of inferiority. Again, a self-perceived state of inferiority doesn't mean it's necessarily objective. A very few people may one day be able to sincerely admit their envy, but most can't bear the bitterness of envy.
The same publication suggests that envy triggers mental mechanisms that will automatically create a subjective reinterpretation of one's own narrative in order to achieve a less negative perception of oneself, to the point of self-persuading oneself of completely unfounded arguments. The researcher calls this self-blindness or self-deception, if you like.
The aim of this unconscious mechanism of the mind is to transform envy into a more socially tolerable range of emotions, such as resentment, frustration and indignation.
According to Robert Greene, in ancient times, those who felt an intense urge could act through violence because it was more tolerable. It was, shall we say, a little more cultural. People could seize by force what the other had, what was envied. But today, we live in societies regulated by laws, but also in the age of political correctness. So people, as it were, find themselves under the implicit obligation to control their aggressive impulses and disguise what they feel. Disguised hostility thus becomes the only possible recourse to relieve their urge.
Beware, because they can sabotage your work, sully your reputation, break your relationships, inundate you with criticism and guilt, all in order to maintain a social position that is perceived as more favorable in their eyes. Worst of all, to justify their hostility, they claim they are restoring some form of justice. This allows them to maintain their perceived social position while causing harm to others. Their target doesn't even suspect that envy motivates them. They may justify these acts by telling themselves that they are correcting some imbalance or restoring some form of justice.
HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS TYPE OF PROFILE?
Personally, I've already been fooled several times in my life by this type of person, and I'm usually talking within my social circle. So, let's just say I've learned the hard way. But I don't think you can become completely impervious. You can't become completely hermetic, because you're always going to meet this type of person. And I think that's part of human nature, and you can't always avoid being fooled despite all the precautions you take.
But I tell myself, at least if we can limit the damage and anticipate certain skills upstream, like observation and decoding, it will help us to know when to act, that is, to act before it's too late. So pay attention !
I've been doing a lot of thinking. The only solution is to define your limits in a general way. In fact, it's a bit like delimiting a territory, defining the red line that must not be crossed, the impassable limits, what is intolerable, but also what is tolerable, what is possible, what is not, what is negotiable, what is not, in which situation I can compromise, in which situation I must not compromise.
Do you think everyone is capable of showing respect and empathy? In theory, I knew that. I knew that not everyone was capable of showing respect and empathy, and on a practical level, it was something else. Because I had too many scruples, and I always tended to rationalize, justify, even tolerate truly execrable behavior that went way beyond my limits. I always tended to put things into perspective, to give them a first chance, a second chance... to make excuses for them. I tended to forgive too quickly and tolerate people in my life who didn't deserve even a second of my attention.
Do I have any regrets today? I certainly do, but it taught me lessons. I couldn't have learned those lessons given my personal patterns, my personal traumas. I couldn't have come to this conclusion without going through it. I needed this teaching. And as I get older, I realize that I've reached a stage in my life where I no longer have any tolerance for this type of person. I don't have the time, I don't have the time for bad faith. This bad faith really exasperates me to no end. And I have neither the space nor the time to devote to people who are just addicts, people addicted to negativity, to arguing in bad faith, a vicious circle that never stops.
No matter how factually you explain things to them, invite them to think things over, apologize, justify yourself, no constructive solution can be found with them. I want to tell you, you didn't come into this world to tolerate people's stupidity. You're not here to be someone else's whipping boy. You have every right to refuse this role, you have every right to preserve your sanity, your inner sanctum, just as you have the right to refuse to let someone put their dirty, muddy shoes on your furniture, especially when you know they're doing it deliberately. You have the right to throw that person out because it's unacceptable.
FORGIVENESS AND TOLERANCE
These principles are only valid with people of good faith, with people who have a sincere and clear intention of preserving this respectful and benevolent bond with you. Those who come to ruin your life - no, there's no forgiveness, no tolerance either. Those who are there just to pour out their emotional poison. And maybe it'll do them some good, maybe it'll teach them a lesson. Because as long as we let them, well, these people aren't likely to change their behavior, are they? If we're too scrupulous, it means we're taking on the role of facilitator of toxic behavior. And if we take on this role, it means that these people won't have a chance to reflect or question themselves objectively.
If you continue to tolerate their disrespect, why will they change their minds? Why is it always a one-way street? Why does someone always have to have scruples and be embarrassed about someone who doesn't? And in this situation, you don't even have to justify it to him, you don't have to negotiate. It's not a transaction.
This is my considered, informed point of view. But I invite you to use your own discernment and objectivity. Because I'm talking about generality here, but I'm also talking about my personal experience. So, even though I've made an effort to provide an enlightened point of view, there's still some subjectivity on my side. I've reached a phase in my life where I don't have any more time to waste on this kind of story, I don't have any more time to devote to this kind of person, to waste my energy on this kind of scruple.
I've learned to ban certain people who haven't respected the code, who have knowingly crossed the red line. Well, you too have the right to refuse to include in your circle people who persistently and stubbornly pour their hatred and animosity into your world.
THANK YOU FOR READING AND SEE YOU SOON !
@Genesung
