As I hopped onto the laptop this morning, I felt something that has been missing from my life as of late, anticipatory joy laced with creative glee.
To be honest my dear readers, I have been feeling not at all like myself for a long time, most of this year in fact. After getting smacked really hard by the Long C, I just didn't have all my pep.
Now don't get me wrong, I still had plenty of joie de vivre and was still me, but there has been this weariness present and dare I say it, resistance that has never been an issue in my life.
After a lot of reflecting, searching, and I'll be honest here, issue avoidance, I came to terms with what the problem is.
And not just, I need a rest tired, I am completely emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted.
Due to having a huge amount of enthusiasm for being alive and a personality type that was raised in an environment that didn't foster the best growth regarding personal boundaries, I have spent over four decades going hard without a lot of care for myself, for I didn't even know that I needed to do that in a way. Mainly through the art of saying No.
For instance, it dawned on me the other day when I was selling my cow and heifer to a really wonderful man from Kettle Falls that I have consistently been taking care of livestock for over twenty years. I have been taking care of children for thirty. Without a pause at all. I still think about how I waded through waist deep snow, blinded with fever, and barely able to walk in order to feed the ducks this past winter. Yep, I am persistent, sometimes detrimentally so.
It's okay to take a break. It's okay to stop juggling everything. And it's a hundred percent okay to take care of yourself.
And you want to know why? Because you are the only you. I truly believe we are here to serve others by doing that which only we can do in our unique stardust combinational makeup. That said, I needed to learn the lesson of the art of taking care of my little hobbitesque form, and that means all of it.
So, in the grand tradition of change, it meant that discomfort must be embraced, and the most uncomfortable thing for me ever is to embrace comfort so to speak. To scale back for the purpose of healing and replenishment. I will hang on to taking care of things, even at the expense of myself, for YEARS. For a while now I have known what I have needed to do, but boy, have I been resisting some of it, but once I made the leap into the realm of change uncertainty, a leap of faith so to speak, things started happening.
What I mean by all this rambling is that I am making some pretty big changes in my life and on the farm. Me taking a week off this past week was one of them. And it was wonderful!
That said, I truly missed all of you here, so very much. Hive is a super important part of my life, a part that never feels like a burden and I'm always excited to share with ya'll what I am up to. Which is of course why I am blathering about my absence and big life changes here, because growth is not always pretty like an Instagram feed.
I have to say, it seems more than appropriate that I am moving into a new season as the season changes here on the homestead. All this pruning and purging is going to yield some awesome fruit for sure, and I am more than happy to have all of you on the journey with me.
All of the photos in today's post were taken on the grounds of the Coeur d'Alene Resort and McEuen Park in downtown Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, a lovely place for a stroll and a snack!
And as most of the time, all of the images in this post were taken on the author's easily recharged unlike her iPhone.
