Do you ever just have days where The Existential Elves seem determined to throw everything they have at you?
Emergency surgeries, a family member with a cancer diagnosis, unjust treatment aimed at your children, a vet emergency-non-emergency, multiple trips to town for mundane and the not so mundane, oh yes, and endless fricken chores.
All of this life detritus is designed to knock you from your aims, your carefully crafted plans. I am most definitely a planner, as my prime personality driven motivation is a desire for peace and coziness. Learning that external factors should have no bearing on that state is tough, especially the application in the face of Life's diversity part.
This morning I read about how we are more than willing to go through discomfort or oddness if it is prescribed for us, yet when we face discomfort in the face of our well-crafted plans we fight it like a salmon on the end of a Lightning Rod. What if all this hoopla Life is throwing at me is good medicine so to speak and I need to smile, embrace, and not whine or be annoyed in the face of it?
For the last month I have been striving to institute my new schedule, to write from 8-12, Monday through Friday. To show the Universe how serious I was about my writing task, I set aside office hours, I'm taking my aims seriously and putting my action where my principles are. Aside from posting at least every other day I have also written 114 pages in my novel. Life seems to be aware of my serious resolve and keeps doing its darndest to throw me off track.
At what point do you just throw your hands up and accept that you are on this planet to tend to things rather than your own dreams? Or do you instead realize that your own dreams might be attained by taking a dose of another kind of medicine, perhaps not one of your own planned and executed design.
All I know is this self-discipline thing is hard. Especially if you have spent your entire life allowing other's needs to supersede your own.
That said, if this much crap is getting thrown at me, I must be on the cusp of breaking through into new territory, which is cool, because I really love exploring and discovery.
Most of the time I keep my blog firmly ensconced in Kat-land, the light and generi(K) in the sense of I love to just share what I discover traveling, cooking, and homesteading with you all.
However, I am just so very human too, a struggling little meat sack of elements just trying to find my way along this timeline and there are days, like this one, that it's really a challenge to reframe the struggle into a game to be played or see the obstacles as the way.
So, if anyone out there is having one of those days I get it, and I am here if you want to just throw out all your angst, or perhaps you have meh feelings you need to purge, or maybe you are just elated over something awesome and want to share. It's all welcome here.
Sharing is caring right? Oof, I really want to roll that sentence in some cow manure right now...
And I started a new tag, #purgepost, because I think all of us need a good existential garbage dump run on occasion.
And as most of the time, all of the images in this post were taken on the author's one shade of grey like the darn sky right now iPhone.
