A lot of men and even some women will know this feeling but what is the real difference?
Years ago I could be in a crowded place and still feel like I was the only one there because I never felt seen but today I have the pleasure of being in a men’s group where I feel seen and heard.
So let’s get to the differences here.
Being Lonely
Being lonely like I said is when you can be in a family situation or even in a sports team but in you it just feel like nobody sees you or don’t hear what you are saying.
This is very common in guys that have had some struggles that they have kept to them self like in my last post.
Being Alone
Now being alone is a whole other thing and for some people have completely different feelings or meaning.
Some things that are good things for being alone are like working in your shed, going fishing, camping or locking yourself in a room and gaming for a few hours.
This is the good type of being alone because it’s thing you enjoy and help you fill your mental health cup.
Then there is the other side of being alone where you are always locked in a room playing games because you have no other people around or living in a house alone and very rarely go out.
That is what a few of us have had to deal with currently or in the past.
Why We Need Time Alone
So this leads us to what everyone needs and doesn’t need.
Every father, husband and brother needs some time to themselves especially if they are working full time.
I know this feeling from a few years ago when I was working because at work you are always wanted by the boss to get work done then you get home and are wanted by your partner to do things that haven’t been able to do while you are at work and also wanted by the kids because they missed you while you were at work so it never feels like you get your own time.
If you are a partner and mum reading this just have a think about that last bit.
I know it’s hard to see the man’s side of things and some of you will know this feeling yourself.
How Do We Know If Alone Time Has Become A Problem?
Over the years I have seen a few men in this situation where they have had lots of things going on that will cause their marriage to end or just agree to have a break then they move into a house on their own and withdraw from groups only for them to end up having nothing but loneliness.
It becomes really hard for them to go out and meet friends or even take phone calls and text messages.
That's where the problem starts so it is up to us to see how they have changed and help them get back to their happy self.
What Can We Do?
There will be two parts for this. Part one will be for the people who feel like this and part two will be for the people that know someone that has done this.
If This Is You
If you feel like this is you then i just ask you to start slow like take a phone call every few days or even just text someone every few days.
I don't want you to try and take on more than you are ready for so just start small.
If someone asks you out for a coffee dont make an excuse just once and go.
It will help you feel good.
If You Know Someone Like This
Now for those of you that have seen this happen to someone you know I ask you to please not give up on them but also not bug them so much.
If you used to have a coffee or beer with them weekly, still ask them weekly not daily.
If they say no a few times that's ok dont give up on them.
If you didn't really hang out but still know them just give them a text every week asking how they are.
My Experience
For many years I have been the guy that had so much on my plate but never had time to myself then I ended up unemployed and that gave me too much time alone so i went from wanting time to having too much time.
Yes I disconnected myself from most people and all groups.
Someone recommended a local men's group to me and I was scared to go there but I did and it has helped change my life over the last 3 years.
Final Thoughts
Being alone isn't always a bad thing.
Most of us need time to recharge and spend time on things we enjoy.
The problem starts when being alone turns into isolation and we begin pulling away from the people around us.
Looking back on my own experience, having people that encouraged me to reconnect made all the difference.
Question For You
Have you ever enjoyed spending time alone but still experienced loneliness, and what helped you reconnect with others?
Author's Note:
This article is based on my own experiences and observations. AI was used to assist with formatting and presentation, but the thoughts, opinions, and experiences shared are my own.