Over the years I have been one of these guys that has so much on my plate but never spoke up for the plain fact of:
“I'm the man of the house so I have to be strong”
Over the last three years I have been apart of a men's group and that has taught me so many things about this question and something that has come up over the years is when you walk into a room of men at like a sports club, bar or even a work place you will hear laughter, see people working hard and life going on but if you really talked to those men you will find things like stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness, grief, financial pressure, relationship difficulties, and a growing sense of isolation.
The reason behind this
For years boys have been told to harden up and just get on with it and for a lot of boys when they grow into men, they take this as:
“No matter what life throws at you, you must take it on alone”
So, men will keep in their struggles and just put on a mask when they walk out the door and for a lot of men, they will have a different mask for different people and places but deep down they will be hurting so much.
A Conversation That Stuck With Me
Just the other day I had a very good friend that I haven't talked to for a few months and all I asked him was how things are.
The response I got back was that life was super hard, and things are not really going to plan all because I had asked how he was. Not family or anything, just him.
His final comment was this:
“I guess I also needed somewhere to let all of this out. It's hard to talk about these things with people around me because everyone thinks we're doing fine. Maybe because I still laugh, joke around, play sports, and act like everything is normal.”
Modern Life Has Also Contributed To The Problem
Many men have fewer close friendships than previous generations. Social media can create the illusion that everyone else has life figured out, while economic pressures, rising living costs, and uncertain futures add extra stress.
For fathers, partners, and providers, the weight of responsibility can feel relentless.
Loneliness is often an overlooked part of the conversation.
Men frequently gather around activities rather than conversations. When work, sport, or family commitments change, those social connections can disappear surprisingly quickly.
A man can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone.
Silence Doesn't Make Problems Go Away
That brings us to this post because silence does not help the problems go away. They just make them feel worse than what they really are.
So that little issue will become something that can lead to anxiety or that one small challenge can turn into something that can be so overwhelming that you don't know what to do.
Things Are Starting To Change
These days there are more men out there that are helping and talking to men.
That is a good thing and means there are now safe places for men to go to talk about their feelings and issues.
That also means there are more places that ask men how men are feeling instead of just being asked how their family is getting on.
Being in my men's group I've watched men walk into our group carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.
Over time, I've seen those same men laugh again, build friendships, ask for help, and realize they aren't carrying those burdens alone.
Call to Action
If you're struggling, reach out to someone you trust.
If you know someone who seems distant or withdrawn, take the time to check in.
A conversation may feel small, but it could mean the world to someone who has been carrying their struggles alone.
"It's okay not to be okay. You don't have to carry it all by yourself."
A Question For You
Have you ever had a chat with someone about your feelings, and they have said something like:
“Dude, I have been through something like that”
or
“Mate I'm proud of you for dealing with that”
And how did that make you feel?
Author's Note:
This article is based on my own experiences, observations, and conversations from being involved in a men's group over the past three years. I used AI to help with formatting, structure, and presentation, but the ideas, stories, opinions, and personal experiences shared in this post are my own.