Hey folks,
Over the last four years I’ve felt pretty lost. Nothing I’ve tried has really made me feel like I’m doing something I enjoy, and that feeling has been sitting on my shoulders for a long time. I talked about this at my last men’s group, and together we came up with a few different things I could try.
Before I get into the list, I want to explain one of the biggest barriers that keeps stopping me from doing things.
One big thing that stops me is money.
I don’t have a lot of it in the first place, so spending any on myself makes me feel guilty. Even when someone suggests something simple, my first thought is, “oh, that’s more money.” It’s like every idea comes with a price tag attached, and that shuts me down before I even get started.
But it’s not just the money.
The way I put it at the group was this: everything feels like a carrot on a string, and every one I reach for starts to swing just out of reach. I haven’t been able to grab hold of one yet. That’s what it feels like underneath — like good things are close, but never quite close enough for me to grab.
The men’s group did get me thinking outside the box, though. Even if some ideas felt out of reach, it helped to hear different perspectives and realise I’m not completely stuck.
One thing I have managed to grab is streaming.
It’s something I enjoy, and it doesn’t make me feel guilty. I get to play games I like, and people who enjoy the same games can come in for a chat. It’s simple, it’s fun, and it feels like something that’s actually mine. I’m hoping I can make some YouTube videos soon too — nothing fancy, just something small to keep me moving forward.
I guess the point of this post is just to get it out and see if I’m alone in feeling this way.
If you’ve ever felt like every carrot swings just out of reach, or like spending money on yourself feels wrong even when you need it — you’re not the only one.
And if you’ve found your own “small thing” that helped you start moving again, I’d love to hear it.