Contemplation

You've got to get up every morning with determination if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction.

- George Horace Lorimer -

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Today was my first day back at work and I was busy...Productive - I caught up and even did a little extra to help me have a better end to the week. I felt a little drained though, a little thick-headed. A hike was needed.

As I walked I found my shoulders drop and the tension drain away; I felt more myself and I immersed in that feeling and the natural environment. Although, thoughts crept in and, being the over-thinker I am, I found myself in deep contemplation. My thoughts were about Hive.

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I've been writing here since June 2017 with an average of 1.5 posts per day and average word-count of around 800 words it's been...well, enjoyable, but also a lot of work.

I'm often asked how I'm able to come up with posts and how I find the motivation. It's quite a simple answer, I write what comes to mind, about my life in general, interests, some fiction and a few observations now and then - And, I enjoy it which is where the motivation comes from. But sometimes it's difficult, I'll be honest.

As I hiked I thought about my content, more specifically, how it is received, judged and rated by others in the community.

Sure, I get comments on my posts, respond and engage with the people making them...But do people see my content as interesting? Valid? Funny? Boring? Ridiculous? Do people gain value or do they think I provide none? I don't know, I guess probably all of the above. I know my writing doesn't appeal to everyone, and I know I, as a person, don't appeal to everyone. I'm ok with it; people will judge me no matter what.

I mean, what if I wrote a post entitled...

...You'd probably judge me. But I'd not care too much at all.

I've been evaluating Hive for a week or so, thinking about its validity in my life, it's purpose and what I gain from it. The thing I have come to understand is that it means something to me and that I gain personal value by being here and that I answer to myself, not others.

You see, some may not like what they read in my posts and may perceive me in a particular way, negatively or positively, but for me...the gain is personal, as is most of my writing - Much of which the blockchain never sees. Personal to me.

I don't write here to send messages. I don't write here for egotistical reasons. I don't write here to show off. I don't write here to gather followers. I don't write here because I like sharing everything about my life and those in it. I don't write here to gain notoriety. I don't write here because I have an agenda.

I guess, what I mean is that I don't write here for you.

I write here for me, because it provides an indelible record of parts of my life, the parts I'm willing to share. I write here because it's a sounding-board. I write here because sometimes I need to pour myself out, get arms-length. I write here, sometimes in fiction, because behind that tag I can put a little extra of myself because I feel that I want to and no one will know whether it's fiction or fact. I write here because it's cathartic and helps me make sense sometimes. I write here...because I enjoy it. Because I enjoy it.

I don't mind if you hate what I do here, or me personally. I don't mind if you love it either. What I mind is that I have a place I can write and record things about myself that I can look back on and revisit at some later time. I think that's a good enough reason right?

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Anyway, that's what I contemplated as I hiked today.

I love the interaction I get from some of you; it means so much to me and, in some cases, so do your words - your own posts. It's the relationships in general I guess that I value also. I'm satisfied with what Hive provides me for the moment, I'm here for the reasons above, but if those were no longer compelling enough I would not be here, that much I know.

What about you, do you ever contemplate why you're here? What makes you stay? What do you love about it? Do you mind being judged or rated and the fact people may have misperceptions about you? Let me know in the comments below. I'm curious.