Never have I ever thought that I would be writing about someone's passing despite the existence of the pandemic. And never have I ever thought I would be about this dedicated to someone who I am close to.
Yesterday, I woke up with the news that my grandpa (dad's dad) has passed away. It was still not clear to me as my mind was still loading with the news.
Even up to now, I am being succumbed by a lot of emotions.
Devastated
It was last week when my grandfather wanted to visit his house outside the city, in Alubijid to be exact. That is a municipal in Misamis Oriental if I am not mistaken.
My Aunt Maye was so against it. She does not want him to travel because it is unsafe for him. True though. But then, he insisted on travelling without telling anyone. It was just my grandmother, his wife, who just knew he left to travel.
Then it was just yesterday morning when people around his house found out about his passing. Perhaps because his dead body was already releasing a foul smell.
According to them, those who examined his body, he was dead since last Saturday and he suffered from a cardiac arrest. To say, we would be having a close casket through out his funeral. I guess you have an idea why and I do not need to explain much about it.
Of course, I wanted to be very mad because I thought my relatives just left him. But I was wrong.
Shock and in pain
I must say I was very shocked. Although my grandpa has suffered from having a weak heart and lungs from smoking, I still cannot accept that he is already gone.
The last time my grandpa and I met was during my cousin's debut. I introduced my boyfriend to him and he was so vocal to tell me that he is very happy about it. He blessed me with prayers. I even told him that he should be attending my wedding and he would be giving us a big gift. He said yes to it and was looking forward to that day.
I am sad. No, sad is just an understatement of what I am feeling right now, I am devastated.
I am in pain. He had been very supportive to my brother and I and I haven't even acknowledge that much. He had been saying, every morning we meet before our Sunday service, that he is happy about what is going on with my life and brother's life.
Regret
I grew up very close to my relatives from my mother's side. It is not that I prefer them over the other, but I grew up living next to them. Aside from that, I only get to visit my relatives from my father's side a couple of times only.
Well, I could not say anything that would describe how much regret I felt on the times that I should have visited him and checked on him.
I know, a lot of me could relate with what I am feeling right now and I hope you would all understand that this content was not made to educate you all, but to remind myself everyday of my life to always be kind and have a lot of love to give to everyone that matters to me.
Wherever you are right now lo, I hope you are in peace. I guess you are happier there because you get to see now your siblings. Just give my regards to Ate Jhad because I miss her the same way I am missing you right now.
We could have taken a lot of photos together and I am sorry I had been so busy to have thought about it.
We love you so much and I was hoping that at least I could have given you a very warm and tight hug on the last day that I would get to see you.
Death is inevitable and yet no one is prepared for it.
Grieving for my lost,
Johanna Gail
She loves to work as an art teacher during summer -- sharing her expertise in art to young minds. She also loves to tutor students and make learning worthwhile. On the other hand, she works as a young leader in various organizations such as the Young Centrists Union. She also volunteers in one of the chapters of JCI or Junior Chamber International.
She always dreamed of creating her dream art studio and wish to inspire young minds to be more creative.