Forgiveness is a luxury and not everyone has access to it. Because when a person is deeply hurt by someone they trusted, it's not easy to forgive them. I do believe that forgiveness is a good deed which will be beneficial for my own but I do not think everyone deserves it automatically. I think of it differently, forgiveness is a personal thing and others should not pass comment about it. If someone doesn't want to forgive someone its their personal choice. We can not force anyone, we can advice once but not try to convince them repeatedly.
As for me, it depends on the situation like how much damage that person has done to my feelings. I do not cut off anyone for a silly reason or at one attempt. Before cutting off someone, I give them multiple opportunities to make the right decision. But if they keep misusing it, then I have to take the hard decision. I think about what happened, and whether the person is truly sorry before deciding if they should be forgiven or not.
I do not like liars, when someone lies to me it triggers my trauma. Everyone has a past trauma so do I and I can't even take lies as a joke. My friend who has known me for 5 years he had hurt my feelings, I could not simply forget and move on. Because I used to respect him a lot but he never understood my value. If he ever did then he would never do something that I disliked.
To be honest, more than disappointment, I felt hurt. I couldn't believe someone like him would break my trust. In respect of his privacy, I'm not gonna take his name or share the whole story. I gave him multiple chances but he was ignorant, maybe he had many more important things in life or many friends, that is why he did not care enough to change his behaviour towards me, he took me for granted.
His small mistakes were piling up and they were disturbing me emotionally. I do miss him, I never wanted to lose him because he was there during my rough times. I will always be grateful to him. All I wanted was his genuine apologies not calculative apologies. I could feel a barrier between us for a long time and I also told him the same thing, but he kept wearing the mask as he does with others. All I wanted was a genuine friend.
I forgave him even though his apologies did not feel genuine, and all he knew was acting, what can I say? I miss our bond but I'll never forget what he did. Some mistakes are easy to forgive, while others leave deep emotional wounds that take much longer to heal. I don't know if we will ever talk again like we used to before. I can only forgive but not forget. The most disappointing part is that he apologized but he stated that he doesn't know what he did.
I made it all clear to him and complained about it multiple times, yet he says he doesn't know what's his fault. This is called ignorance or he thinks of him so highly that he doesn't realize he could ever do anything wrong. Sometimes his actions made me think he was selfish, he shown that he was down to earth but deep down he felt the opposite maybe he was like this from the beginning and I was blind. He was absent when I needed him the most. When I don't find the people I needed the most, I can't think of them as my safe place anymore. I was like an open book to him but he always kept secrets from me.
Anyway, once my trust is broken, it is extremely difficult to rebuild. If someone keeps saying "sorry" and repeating it over and over again then their "sorry" does not hold any weight anymore. Maybe I would forget everything once he becomes genuine again. However, if someone betrays me, I may eventually forgive them, but I will not give them the same access to my life again. Because I do not allow anyone to hurt me repeatedly. I forgive because I don't want to think about them anymore, I don't want to carry anger forever.
Hypothetically, if I had a partner and he cheated on me, I will never forgive him. This is something which I can never forgive. I will delete him from my life and never think of him again. I won't be sad because it would be his loss not mine. Someone who did not value me, I do not feel the necessity to cry for them.
So, just because I forgive sometimes it does not mean everything will go back to normal. In the end, forgiveness is a personal choice. And it is possible to forgive someone and still choose not to let them back into your life.
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