Hello dear Hivers
How's everyone?
For the last couple of months I've been going through an emotional roller coaster that has gone off the tracks and no one has a clue on how to make it stop.
To the point where I had to be (needed) away from work.
With this reality, I've been working on myself (some days are easier than others) and trying to understand what has triggered all my traumas.
I soon realized I lack the ability to "conform".
(How I dislike that word... - I'm also trying to bring more positivism into my vocabulary)
I was (some days still am), living on auto-pilot while feeling mediocre and in a constant state of self-commiseration, always tearing up and only focusing on how uneventful and meaningless all felt.
This is no good place, for no one. Neither for the one living it nor for those who love you.
It always baffles me how some people can settle for certain things and stand by them, even if they are no good for themselves.
How can someone settle for "I'm ok"? That's what I can't live with.
More often than not I get the phrase:
"But there are people worst than you"
I know, I get it, and I feel for all of them and I'll do everything within my means to help others.
Je suis très désolé mais, I want to thrive, not survive.
My problem has nothing to do with comparison.
In fact, is a toxic competition between myself and me.
I had to realize that I was not the problem, my self-image was.
My life doesn't have to be fixed. I have to create it.
When I was a child, I had envisioned my older self in a certain way, having certain habits that I always found amazing in older women surrounding me.
My great-grandmother was always dolled up and wore high heels until she died at 96 years old.
My grandmother is the Lewis Hamilton of the stoves.
So I always wanted to be like both of them because they never stopped doing those things, all those they considered self-care.
When I noticed I was lagging on those things because I was "too tired", "not in the mood", or worst "for what?", I had to take action.
And this is how baking got me to face mediocrity.
After re-starting doing my makeup ("for what? we're wearing masks"), I went to the kitchen.
I was not made for cooking, I will starve myself before I get caught scaling a fish. So me wanting to bake is a pretty big deal.
The chocolate cake was cooked, but something was off.
I was pretty frustrated, because while I accept that meals are not for me - I just couldn't do it with baking.
Two weeks later, here I am writing to tell you that yesterday I made it.
And I'm so obsessed with it! (Marble, not chocolate)
It took me some trial and error, some cakes, and a lot of cleaning up.
But my confidence is through the roof.
Wasn't until this morning, while I was having breakfast was that I realized that in this cake process I had put to practice everything I read about fighting the mediocrity.
I have been giving excuses/"reasons" to keep me from doing things. I was holding myself back.
My normal self would have stopped baking after the first cake because "There's too much cleaning up for a cake that won't be any good";
But I kept trying.
Newton's 1st law says that an object won't change its motion unless an unbalanced force acts upon it.
If a body is at rest, it will stay at rest.
Now let's change it to "procrastination", I was in a constant state of procrastination and allowing myself to drown in it.
Confronting mediocrity is the "unbalanced force" acting upon inertia.
When I decided to set foot inside the kitchen, I was acting upon the problem.
And not beating myself up for each failed attempt but instead keep trying, was a whole game changer.
In fact, romanticizing it made it a lot more fun!
Taking action can be whatever you want: reading, meditating, BAKING, exercise.
Keep in mind that by "take action" I mean to focus on things you can change now, not tomorrow.
Do something that uplifts you towards your excellence goal.
Drop the phone for one hour and read during that time.
The final destination?
That's up to you.
Once you start confronting the problem and acting upon it, you will feel as if your "perfect" life starts taking place.
Working on your mindset is powerful enough to change our whole outlook on the same life we had before.
At the end of the day is all about working on yourself, for yourself, and achieving peace of mind when laying your head on the pillow.
