Betrayal is one of the most painful experiences we can have, and it's a feeling that we often try to avoid. We want to believe in the person who betrayed us—we want to believe that they didn't mean what they said or do what they did. But when people betray us, it's not always easy to reconcile the actions of our friends with what we know about them as people.
Betrayal is a difficult topic to address, but it's even more difficult to confront. When we're betrayed by someone we love, the pain can be almost unbearable—and yet, in many cases, the experience of betrayal is only the beginning of our torment.
Betrayal can leave us feeling worthless and broken down. It can leave us questioning our self-worth, wondering if we'll ever be able to trust again. And it can leave us feeling like there's no way out of this situation—like we have no choice but to endure it until the end of time.
Betrayed by someone you trusted, or betrayed by the system that's supposed to protect you? Betrayed by someone who said they cared about you, or betrayed by a system that said they did? Betrayed by someone who said they loved you, or betrayed by a system that said they didn't? Betrayed by someone who told you that they could provide for you, or betrayed by a system that told them they couldn't?
If any of those questions make your heart race, let me tell you—you're not alone. If you're like most people, chances are you've been betrayed at least once in your life. It's not always easy to see the signs of betrayal, especially when it comes to family members or friends. But if you're honest with yourself and look for the red flags, it won't be long before you find them. When we think about betrayal, we think about the small moments of pain and betrayal—the ones where someone says something mean or does something wrong. But when we think about betrayal in its larger sense, we see it as something much more powerful: a part of life that can be devastatingly painful if not addressed properly.
When I was young, I would ask my mom why people betrayed each other. She just looked at me and said, "They're not always nice."
I'm not sure if she was trying to comfort me or if she was just trying to give me some kind of answer, but it didn't really matter. What mattered was that I couldn't understand how people could betray each other. It seemed like such a mean thing to do—to hurt someone else when they were already hurting enough.
As I grew older, the question changed: "Have you ever been betrayed?" Now, instead of asking my mother, I would ask myself the same question over and over again in different ways until eventually it started feeling like an answer even my brain couldn't find.
I'd ask myself if there was a point in my life where I had been betrayed. When? Where? Who? How did they betray me? How did they betray themselves?
I'd ask myself if there was anything I could have done differently that would have made it different. What could I have done differently when someone betrayed me? What could I do differently when someone betrayed themselves?
I'd ask myself if there was anything else I needed to know about betrayal—if there was any more knowledge or information on the subject that would help me understand this situation better. Why does betrayal hurt so much? How do people deal with betrayal in their lives?
And then sometimes (though not always), I'd just sit there for hours, thinking about betrayal and trying to understand what it meant for both sides: why someone would choose to betray another person?
The way betrayal feels is hard for anyone to describe because everyone experiences it differently. But there are some common themes: betrayal destroys trust and confidence; it hurts your heart; it makes you feel like nothing matters anymore; it changes how you see yourself or others around you; it makes everything seem fake or unreal.
I don't know if we feel like we're alone in our experiences with betrayal. But I do know that it's something that can happen to anyone at any time—even people who are trusted and loved by their friends and family members. Even people who have never done anything wrong in their lives can find themselves betrayed by someone who does.
The experience of betrayal could be the most painful thing you've ever experienced, but it doesn't have to stop there. You can get back up again and learn from this experience, so that next time it won't hurt as much and you can understand where the other person was coming from better than before they let you down (and maybe even forgive them).
You are not alone in your experience with betrayal; there are millions of people out there who have gone through this exact same thing or something similar. Don't let yourself be defined by this one moment of weakness!
I know it's not easy to trust anyone after being betrayed, but in the end, it's worth it! Trusting others is one of the best things we can do for ourselves and our relationships with others.
