I am well, but it is coming up on the 1-year anniversary of my daughter's untimely death. I am beginning stage two of healing my traumatized mind. (Stage one was just surviving the past year.)
I have been studying a bit and I know the next step for me is to get out of "defense mode" in which the mind just seeks distraction or sleep in order to protect itself from pain. This next year I have to let the shields down and work to process the pain and reclaim my focus. I hope to share my journey as I find strategies that work to get me back to a place where I can write thousands of coherent words or start new projects AND finish them.
For a year my brain has been running in circles to keep ahead of the pain. Now I have to let the pain pass through--stop running, take a stand, and punch it in the face. It may punch back, but I am no longer so afraid of the pain. I'm sick of running from it. I'm angry at it. And I refuse to let it interfere with my focus forever.
Today's journey begins with a solo road trip to visit various members of my family and just enjoy their company. Andrea won't be with me, but I will be with people who loved her and people she loved. If my pain insists on accompanying me, it will have to ride in the trunk.