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After failing to pass my Jamb on two attempts, I finally got it right at the third time scoring 202 beating the cutoff mark to study medicine in UNILAG. This is what I have been striving to achieve, and my dream of becoming a medical doctor was about to be accomplished. I felt very elated and proud of my achievement.
Who else would not be proud? Imagine adding 2 Jara over the cutoff mark. I was brimming with confidence as I did the UTME a few months later and was waiting for the admission zealously.
I became apprehensive with feelings of anxiety when I heard people were being given their admissions. I waiting to receive mine to no avail. I heard from some of my friends that UNILAG can do ojoro for admission, but I brush that aside, thinking after adding 2 marks as jara on top of the cutoff mark, nobody would stop my admission.
But, that was just my assumption as my admission was nowhere to be found. As time passes by, my joy started to fade. I became sad. It seems my dream was slipping out of my hands. How can someone who scored above 200 and even add 2 jara on top of the mark be denied admission?
At this point, my parents were no longer happy with me. They made the situation more worst for me with their constant taunting and remembering of my failure with every little thing I did that they are not satisfied with. Any time I browsed on my phone for more than 2 minutes my mom will be all on me. She will say "If you have focused on your life with the same energy you use on your phone you would have gotten your admission by now". If I ask for more food she will say "If you have focused on your school the same way you eat you would be on campus by now".
I remember the day when we were having dinner and everyone was dishing rice and stew on a serve-yourself table, and I was eating fast so I could dish more food for myself. Mom looked at me and said, "If your brain was as fast as your spoon you would be preparing for school by now". That was the most painful insult someone had told me.
My Mom speaks as one who has a degree in Abusive language and insulting words from Oxford University, that's why me and my younger ones always try to avoid offending her.
After waiting for my admission to no avail, I started praying and even fasting and all-night prayers to God to touch UNILAG and make them remember me. At this point, I don't care what course they will give me, even if it's gardening and horticulture they give me I will manage it. All na school, at least I will learn how to feed the nation.
My ambition to be a medical doctor has faded away, anyhow, anyhow let me jakpa from this house to gain respect from my family members. Then one Saturday evening, as I was watching Atmosphere for Miracle alone in the sitting room, my phone vibrated with SMS beeps. I grabbed it and slide down the notification header. There it was, the miracle I have been waiting for has finally happened. The message heading says "You've been admitted"
I screamed and jumped up like someone who won a million naira from BetNaija. My mom and my siblings who were outside in the compound ran in to check what has happened to me. "The admission has landed," I said to everyone. They all screamed with joy and excitement. My mom didn't waste any time announcing the news to our neighbors and family friends. She grabbed her phone immediately and break the news to as many people as she could remember at that moment. Her excitement was out of this world when she was speaking on the phone. "Mama Damian, God has done it for me oh! Your good son just received his admission to UNILAG".
My dad also joined the excited mood and asked my younger brother to have the two Chickens that were intended to be used for the Christmas celebration slaughtered. " This call for celebration," he said.
As the first person to be getting admission into the university in the family, my dad was very happy and filled fulfilled. Dad asked Mom to quickly prepare jollof and fried rice with the chickens for the family to celebrate my admission. I was treated like a king that day. Dad gave me money to buy soft drinks and other things I would like to eat before they finish preparing the jollof and fried rice plus chicken.
The table was all set by 5 PM. Mom served my food with special regards. She added 2 chicken laps and other pieces of chicken to my food and make sure she placed it on the table in front of me by herself.
We all were eating with much excitement when my phone suddenly rang. It was Damian, the boy mom called his mother to break my success news to earlier. Damian was yet to get admission and was still waiting for what God cannot do does not exist. He congratulated me and told me he heard about the news from his mom.
After the call, as I click to hang up, my phone notification header swiped down to reveal the full body of the text message of the admission I have received. That was when I saw the whole message. "Ewo" I screamed as the second chicken lag I was munching fell from my hand. Everyone at the table looked at me with shock in their eyes. My brother who sat next to me took my phone to see what the message was about which makes me scream like that. He couldn't say anything as he dropped the phone and put his two hands on his head.
My dad grabs the phone to see for himself what the reason for the drama we are acting before his face.
"Abi my eye they pay me ni" Dad said as he dipped his hand in his trousers left pocket for his glasses to see the message clearly.
"Adese" take your phone and show me the admission message you received. He added.
I look at the message again as my dad keeps waiting for me to read it out.
"Congratulations, you have been admitted into the GLO lucky draw taking place every Sunday with a #50 monthly subscription. Reply 5 to cancel this offer"
"Ewo! I am finished" I exclaimed. " What is the matter?" Mom asked in confusion.
"It's a promotion raffle draw event your son has been admitted into" Dad replied.
"So UNILAG already want my son to represent them in competition?" Mom asked looking more confused.
"There is no admission to UNILAG for your son" Dad replied brutally.
"Iyemhen" Mom screamed and sank onto the sofa near her.
"UNILAG has admitted Brother Adese to be their ambassador and celebrity" my brother chipped in humorously.
The next I heard was a loud bang as my father landed a hot slap on my brother that makes him vomit all the chicken has eaten.
Now I fear for my life. "Please Dad and Mom let be calming down" I said as I begin to plot my way of escape.
"And you made me kill the chickens I was keeping for Christmas". Dad said shaking his head in regret.
I fell to my knees, "Dad I am sorry, Mom I am sorry" It's the message that deceived me. I added.
"And you succeeded in fooling us all," Dad said with regret. At this point, Mom was moving closer to where I was kneeling. I was almost crying right now as I continue to beg.
The kind way Mom bounced on me like a wounded Lion and Dad followed up with his no-nonsense slaps on my face that day, I vowed within my mind to never forgive GLO.
This is my submission for the comedy open mic comtest.
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