Thanksgiving, and my mother couldn't cook a turkey properly if her life depended on it. God love her, but the bird comes out like a dried, chewy mess. I don't know what she's doing wrong.

As kids, we'd all look at each other wondering "is it supposed to taste like this?" Because grandmom's turkey was nice and moist and full of flavor. Mom's is like she just shoved that thing in the oven and said "fuck it" I think she might toss a pinch of salt in its general direction, but I'm not sure. Then she's off to watch her shows, and that thing is left to fend for itself.

Stringy, gamey, and with absolutely no flavor at all. She might have thrown a bay leaf in there once, I think. And of course you can't SAY anything, right? "Does anyone want seconds?" No! I bark, "No, no no. I couldn't fit another piece in." after my mouth was working overtime trying to get the last of it down. lol!

I would often volunteer my siblings for seconds, and watch their eyes get wide as they were unprepaired with an excuse to say no. Gotcha!

It's odd because she knows how to work that ham. Now THAT we want more of. Grandmom had an almost military-style operation where she'd pump out cakes, pies and all manner of meat dishes on the fly. She had that turkey (one of many), stuffed and surrounded with so many goodies, that when she opened the windows, the entire neighborhood smelled good enough to eat.

So I thought mom would have picked up that knowledge like osmosis. But no, she was the rebel in the family, and sure as hell wasn't going to be chained to any kitchen if she could help it. But besides her turkey problems, there were always mounds of other good food to go around, and all of our aunts competed to see who would dare to try and stand up to grandmom's much superior cooking.

It was all fine until I tried to cook my own first turkey, and it was dried out too ("is the skin supposed to be hard?) I didn't think so. Like mother, like son, right? You're looking at a guy who once tried to speed-fry a frozen steak by throwing in in a pan and turning that sucker on high. You know, like frying a hamburger or something. lol! I had to open the windows and there was smoke everywhere. :)

But you know what? All of these events make for memorable moments when family gets together for the holidays. "Remember when?" becomes the enjoyable start to many funny and wonderful conversations. I wish you and your family the same as we give thanks on this special day. As for me, I've got to go exercise my mouth for the bone-dry turkey to come. Don't worry though, they'll be seconds left over just for you! :)