The rate at which toxic relationships are becoming prevalent is giving me cause for concern. It's funny how even young people whom I expect to genuinely love and cherish happen to be the ones whose relationships suffer this kind of problem the most.
Some time in 2023, my friend and his girlfriend broke up. I was not comfortable with the news, so I decided to find out what happened.
My friend said "she's too jealous, disrespectful and nags a lot." He said a lot of things that made me feel sorry for him and started judging his girlfriend wrongly in my heart but settling relationship issues is very complicated. If you are the type that concludes by just hearing from one side alone, you will wallow in error and end up making things worse.
So, I had to suppress my judgement and fixed a date with her. Hearing from her side of the story, I went speechless. One thing she said that made me support her to just move on, was the fact that my friend beats her up anytime they argued or she tries to speak out when she sees him with another lady.
She said the beating wasn't a big deal for her because she was used to it but what made her end the relationship was the fact that he broke her cell phone and out of anger, she took his phone and left with it.
To her surprise, he brought police on her charging her with the offence of theft. I didn't believe all she said until she showed me the scars on her body from the beating she got from this guy.
Of course, there was nothing I could do other than to console her and advise her to take some time away from the relationship.
They have been dating since my first year in college till 2023, that's about six years. Does that mean that he has been doing all these to her and she was just taking it?
I often wonder about the kind of hearts some people have, someone is brutalizing you like that and you still hold on for years, what if he ends your life one day?
It's so pathetic how some individuals stick to toxic relationships. I know it's something that is common with women but even men fall victim to toxic relationships.
If you ask me why some people don't quit or walk away anytime they are faced with such situations, I will say "To many it's just foolishness and ignorance."
The few individuals I have been with who suffered from toxic relationships opened my eyes to that reality.
Most people think toxic relationships are just when brutality is involved but that's not true, it can be a kind of relationship in which one person benefits while the other suffers.
A lady told me recently that she was dating a guy who always demands for money from her knowing fully that she's is a student too. She sorts some of his school bills and even gets him food stuff at times yet even a cent has never come out from him to support her.
That's not her problem, she said what opened her eyes was when he demanded for some money and she told him she's doesn't have because things were difficult for her at that time. The guy became mad at her and starting telling her awful things.
It really broke her, and that was her first serious relationship. I really felt bad for her.
Most people continue to suffer in toxic relationships because they feel they will lose if they go away. Some stay because of the benefits they derive from the relationship. They feel like if they leave, they might never get those privileges again.
For others its love. They so much care about the person that they feel, they can't do without them. So, they prefer to suffer rather than to leave but isn't that madness?
Solutions
Like I said earlier on, it's blindness that make a lot of people to stay in toxic relationships. If only the victims will realize that nothing will happen to them if they break away, they wouldn't stay. Of the truth you will be hurt and for a moment you will not get those things you get from the person but with time you will be better. Life goes on.
Also, we have to learn how to let go relationships that are one sided or involves brutality as early as possible. No matter how much we care for someone, those red flags should not be taken for granted. The earlier you leave the better for you.
Another thing is to seek for help from reliable and knowledgeable counselor. Don't die in silence, if it's toxic ask for help from those you trust and rely on am sure you will get help.
