In all my 50 years as a Queen, I never imagined that a day like this will come. This day came with the most unexpected events, one that I would never dream of. I woke up to the rays of the sun peeking through my chamber curtains, the entire kingdom was oddly quiet that I could even hear my own heartbeat or am I dreaming? I pinched myself just to double check and okay, it hurts, I'm alive.
I got up from my bed and rang my bell, a call for my servants to start the regular routine of bringing in my tea, getting my bath ready, my dresses and all. No one answered. Strange.
I rang the bell again, exerting more force this time around, only for my ever dramatic personal maid Cardi B to burst my doors open and rushed in breathing heavily.
"Yo...your Majesty" She said out of breath "I must inform you that all the servants are gone!"
My ears tingled.
"What do you mean they gone Cardi, gone to where?"
"I found out this morning that all the palace servants have packed their bags and left overnight Your Majesty"
Unbelievable
"I heard rumors Your Majesty that Davido, the housekeeper went away to see his wife Chioma who delivered twins, Don Jazzy the chief baker went away to see his longtime crush Rihanna, the chief royal guard Paul Okoye had gone to see his in-laws in preparation for his marriage to Ifeoma Ivy....
"Enough Cardi" I stopped her midway through her ramblings "Summon Mark Zuckerberg, the royal herald, has that one left too?"
"No, your Majesty, he is in fact still active on duty"
"Now go Cardi, you must make haste!"
There was no way my kingdom was to be with my servants. Am I now supposed to make my own meals, grow my own garden, and sew my own dresses? Impossible. I need replacements, as fast as they could come. I am never to be a laughing stock for the Kingdoms nearby, what are they going to say about all my glory when they find out I can't even boast of servants in my own palace? No, that can't be.
Mark the royal herald made his presence as soon as he was summoned, I was lost in my own thoughts, I didn't notice he had been bowing for some time now until he cleared his throat .
"Your Majesty? You sent for me?"
"Yes Mark, I need you to put out the word that the Queen seeks to hire new palace servants. Airdrop the news if you must Mark, just do whatever you can. They may be from anywhere even to the ends of my Kingdom, the only qualification is to be alive, I don't want walking dead people, do you understand me?"
"Yes, your Majesty"
"Now go Mark, go!"
The word was put out that Queen sought new servants for her palace from everywhere with in the palace. The sudden news brought brought mixed reactions among the people. Some were rather too excited at the thought of getting a chance to visit the palace, while others were rather confused as such news had never been heard before
Toward noon, my palace was filled up with people who had come from far and wide at the call. I made my way into the palace hall and everyone bowed and acknowledged my presence. As I sat down on my enormous throne that is twice my size, I knew it was going to be a long day.
"Let the participants come forth!"
First to be interviewed was Ariana Grande and Wizkid her brother, who claimed to be very good at milking the cows. They did wow me with how much eager they were to do it and their confidence was quite admirable. However, they seem rather small for the work of milking my fat cows.
"Well done, Ariana and Wizkid for your boldness but as much as I desperately want servants, I don't want little kids. I bet your mama doesn't even know you're here so thank you, next!"
The next person looked like she was fed pink milk when she was a baby with all the shades and tints of pink colour she arrayed herself with. I was thrown off at the sight of her, I had to call the attention of my personal maid, Cardi.
"Do you think this one can make good tea, Cardi?"
"No your Majesty, I think she'll be very good at chasing the birds off the garden" She replied and it seem like a very good idea.
"What's your name young lady?" I asked the pink girl
"My name is Nicki Minaj, your Majesty and....
"You're hired" I cut her off." You will work at my garden, make sure the birds doesn't feast on my corn or you shall be punished without mercy, do you understand?"
"Yes, your majesty" She nodded frantically
I smiled and looked over at Cardi and she mouthed okurrrrrrr
It was getting dark and I was quite tired of the whole situation at the palace. I ordered Mark to shut the doors and send the rest of the people away. Just as I was about heading to my chambers to catch some rest with Cardi closely following behind, I caught sight of someone, a lady in fact, who kept struggling to make her way into the hall with Mark trying to keep her out.
"Send her in Mark" I couldn't help but become curious as to who would be so daring.
The young lady who rather endowed made her way in and knelt before me.
"I can cook, I really can, Egusi soup your Majesty" She said in one breath, just what I wanted to hear.
"Well, well,well Cardi, did you hear that?" I looked over at my maid and she gave me that silly smile and mouthed okurrrrr again.
"You may rise , young lady and what is your name?"
"I am Hilda Baci, your Majesty"
"And you said you can make the most delicious Egusi soup? One befitting a Queen?"
"I have never been most certain about anything, your Majesty"
" Very well then, you are taken. I would love my dinner tonight at 6, Egusi soup"
" I won't fail you, your Majesty"
I decided there would be no need for more people to come back tomorrow. I got just the people I wanted, Beyoncé who would be in charge of making my royal gowns, Chris Hemsworth my new housekeeper, Katy Perry for all the tea I'll have every morning, Tom Cruise my new chief guard and Burna Boy, my new chief baker. My work as a Queen as never felt more satisfying.
True to her words Hilda made the best Egusi soup I have ever eaten my entire life. My dear husband, his Highness Michael B Jordan I, would have enjoyed it so much if he wasn't away in his compulsory royal business travels. As I retired finally to bed, I can't help but smile at how much fun yet tiring my day seem to be. I hope to wake up tomorrow without anyone else running away while I was taking my beauty sleep.
