I recently tried building a new identity around fitness. I've always had one already but I wanted one that was more concrete. I started training people at a gym for free, with the added advantage that I could train in the gym for free.
I've been posting about it on 
I've been consuming content around the topic and building more and more knowledge and I've actually started building up a following in recent times on TikTok I even have a client who wants to see me, you could say that It's all going well then why am I having a problem?
The problem is that it's beginning to tell me what to do, who to listen to, and boss me around.
I had a good thing going on for myself, a good sleep relationship and I had a good monthly schedule.
Now I'm not getting enough sleep. I'm thinking for a long time at a stretch and I'm not looking forward to training people as much as I once was.
This is the problem I have with being conscientious, I have the tendency to pick up new obsessions and people who don't understand personality types will say that I've given a name to the issue and made it real. But its not an issue when I show up to work early...its my personality. Its not an issue when I don't miss workouts...its only an issue when I begin to obessess over a process that could end up changing who I am.
Jordan Peterson made mention of mental hygiene, he explained that the way to go about dealing with the environment is to make sure that your response to it is as narrow as it can be. What little change can I make to adjust for the stimulus that has presented itself?
In the same way, we grow as the weights we lift get heavier we grow as the stimulus from the environment we can handle gets stronger. I knew I had grown once they gave me the go-ahead to train people at the gym for free.
I like working out and I like giving advice so it's a win-win situation. Now the problem is that I want to get super good at it in the 2 weeks I have been given this opportunity. I DON'T WANT TO SUCK. But I will regardless even though I rush the process and sacrifice every good thing I have right now...like my sleep, my early work record, my relationships, and my hobbies. I might arrive there quicker but I might also arrive there bitter.
My morning routine used to be waking up, studying the bible (sending study material to my girlfriend), dressing the bed, playing the piano/singing, doing puzzles, reading, and writing. Now I'm so focused on productivity that I feel like a weirdo to myself.
I have learned a lot during these few days I pushed the throttle but I'm about to crash if I don't hit the brakes right now.
