When I was working for a company called Clean World (They ceased trading years ago), my first boss there was a bit of a numpty. For most contracts, the hospitals paid 拢5.00 per bag now this was a good deal because sadly, in the NHS, cleaners will replace bags even if there's just a couple of paper towels in the bottom, it won't occur to them to bag up all those practically empty bags into one bag so as you can imagine there are lots of bags at five pounds a bag that contributes almost zero weight to the total load. Kerching!
One day, I got a call from Mr Numpty in my truck.
"Hey Pete, nip over to 馃唶馃唸馃唹 & 馃叢馃吘 in Wythenshawe, they've got some bags I've agreed 拢7.00 each. Make sure you get an accurate count."
I arrived at the customer, and some right dodgy looking bloke said "Reverse up to those doors driver. No need to get out your cab; we'll load you up." Now we're talking. Time to crack open the Thermos and have a brew, I thought. As I watched in my wing mirror, five blokes, side by side, staggered out of the warehouse, clutching a single bag that must have been eight-foot long! I lept out of my cab "What the bloody hell is that, mate?" I said. The five guys, trying to fend off multiple hernias, grimaced as they came to a halt. "Sanitary waste." the dodgy guy I'd met before said. "But those are not normal clinical waste bags? And the contents are absolutely full of water; they must weigh a tonne?" I replied. "Your boss agreed to seven pounds a bag, and these are bags!" The five guys recommenced loading the bags on the truck while I went back to my cab to phone the office.
Me: "You do know these so-called bags are nearly eight-foot-long don't you?"
Numpty: "What?"
Me: "And they're full of absolutely drenched sanitary material so they each weigh an insane amount!"
Numpty: "What?"
Me: "How many bags was I supposed to collect?"
Numpty: "Five hundred."
Me: "You've got no chance. I'll be surprised if I can take ten. And even then I think I'll be overweight."
Numpty: "What?"
