I have written a number of stories about a girl.
I mostly, if not all, talked about the good parts.
Toxicity comes in different ways.
It's common news that a man will beat a woman and the woman will say, "It's my fault. I made him angry".
That's toxic and most people don't see it.
Anyone that has seen Euphoria would understand my version of toxicity.
Maddy and Nate, together were like an intense burning flame but the flame consumed them too and not just the people around.
They had this on and off thing that was so unhealthy. Sometimes my relationship with her felt that way.
Like Maddy and Nate, we always went on and off.
People around us looked at us and they saw it.
Yes there were good times. A lot, when we existed in just that little bubble that we built around ourselves but there were always times when that bubble suffocated me too.
One of the reasons I fell in love with her in the first place was just how driven she was. She wanted to make money fast and she wanted it to happen so fast that we ended up doing so many regrettable things.
We all have our choices, no one should believe otherwise and I had a choice to say no but I didn't so it's on me too.
We fought a lot. We really fought because sometimes it felt like she would do anything to get to where she wanted.
Forgetting about the good times, it was a relationship that made me want to throw myself into a volcano figuratively and the funny part was no matter what we did, we always ended up coming back together.
A toxic cycle that refused to be broken.
I lost count of the number of times that I had to stay hungry because any money I got from my parents, she would convince me to invest it into something that would go big.
Nothing ever did go big.
Like I said before I had a choice and I chose to keep quiet and let her lead the way and it was a path I didn't want to go down.
I think one of the best things that has happened to me for real is breaking that cycle.
I thought when we got into a fight, as usual we would come back together.
I love her. I will never stop loving her but I'm so glad that we didn't.
Now I do the things I want to because I want to do it. There's no one pulling my strings and I'm not acting like dumb puppet.
I stepped out of the bubble and things are so much better. I am doing so much better. I will always love her but that relationship is something I don't want to relive apart from the good parts.
Apart from writing more, I have become more expressive and talk to people outside the bubble and I kid you not when I say, she would get mad and not talk to me for days whenever I decided I wanted to talk to people on the outside.
What a life it was.
It was a good ride on the good days but on the bad days, it was terrible.
There's the future, maybe there is still more of our story to tell but for now.
I'm happy just the way I am.
