What Our Brains DO: Living With, Processing and Dealing with Hardships

Another short "brain dropping" on the strangeness of Being Human.

I was helping out a friend this morning (via email) and we got involved in a lengthy discussion about the different ways we cope with difficulties and hardships; how we approach different situations.

As I mentioned a couple of days ago, Mrs. Denmarkguy is currently helping a friend in Texas. I lived there for 20+ years, and was mostly miserable because I don't "do" hot weather. And yet I "dealt with it" for over 20 years.

Daisies in the afternoon sun

It got me to thinking about our different approaches to coping.

I realized that pretty much all my life, my primary "coping skill" has been centered on finding ways to "make the most of misery." Of course, the downside to that is that you are choosing to stay in miserable situations, while "making the most of them."

In metaphorical terms, it's the "Bloom where you're planted" approach. Whereas you may be choosing to "have a party," you are still choosing to stay in the proverbial frying pan, which is damn uncomfortable, party or not.

In contrast, my friend said that she has zero tolerance for hardship, and the moment it presents itself, she starts casting about for ways out and alternatives and "something else." She's less interested in solutions, than simply change.

That can be great, in the sense that you have a high level of awareness of when something is uncomfortable, but the drawback is never "sticking to anything" for very long, and thus there's an attendant sense of instability.

NOrthern sunset

Happiness and Not Seeing a Way Out?

The discussion continued into looking at how our brains are wired, and how much of what we choose to do is "natural," and how much is part of learned behavior.

My friend admits to having a "Low Discomfort Tolerance."

I tend to get stuck because I typically lack the basic belief that "anything better EXISTS," Or, the subconscious "cost-benefit analysis" tells me that the "cost" of changing is disproportionately high, compared to the "cost" of simply "grinning and bearing it."

We then explored the extent to which any one of us feel we are "entitled" to happiness, in life. My insight of the day was that I never have really put the search for happiness very high in my list of life priorities. She, on the other hand, has never paid much attention to being loyal and steadfast" (she's been married six times, if that tells you anything!).

Either way, I have come to realize that I was never very good at "visualizing a way out" when things were going badly, but I have excelled at "dealing with things that are going badly."

Not going to attach a positive or negative value to that... it is merely an observation of "what IS."

Thanks for reading!

What's YOUR approach, if you have one? Do you feel it has served you well? Does something need to change? Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!

(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for this platform.)
Created at 190617 19:15 PST
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