3 July 2026, Freewriters Community Daily Writing Prompt Day 3153: chimpanzee in the office

“Listen, I appreciate the offer, but I am completely unemployable, even after serious therapy. You would be safer having a chimpanzee at the office – at least there would be no personal reason beside instinct when he got tired of being pestered by co-workers and started pulling them limb from limb.”

“Well,” ten-year-old Andrew Ludlow said to best friend eleven-year-old Velma Trent, “so much for Papa getting a regular job after selling the Ludlow Bubbly.”

“My dad says a lot of veterans are like that,” Velma said, “and my uncle says this too. Basically, it's a structure issue. Military folks are used to orders being sent down and everybody executing, over and over again. Corporate office life with all the petty stuff just doesn't work well for that.”

“I kinda understand now why my Cousins Harry and Ironwood went into law enforcement, but different – neither of them are sitting at the stations eating donuts and stuff,” Andrew said.

“Does Col. Lee even eat donuts?” Velma said. “I mean, Major Hamillton looks like he may have maybe seen a donut at a distance at some point in his life, but your Cousin Harry looks like he hasn't even smelled anything that wasn't a protein or a veggie for a minute.”

“No, Cousin Harry does not eat donuts, and so didn't get a donut type of job,” Andrew said. “A lot of things that civilians do every day probably seem like a waste of time and calories to him and Papa and your dad Sgt. Trent and Cousin Ironwood.”

“I just need to know how the chimpanzee got pulled into this, though,” Velma said.

“Well, this is Papa's thing: since he doesn't cuss any more, and he also tries not to drop the voice on folks and send us running from the house as he drags someone's understanding straight off the piano into the reason he has that 'Hell to Pay' nickname, he just is memorable in other ways,” Andrew said.

“Yeah, I don't think I want a chimpanzee at the office after hearing that,” Velma said, “and if I'm doing the hiring, I don't want anybody who thinks like that, either.”

“Which is the whole point,” Andrew said. “When Papa communicates, he communicates. Rob is exactly the same way, but he's five and we don't notice it as much, and Edwina is too but we do notice it although she is eight: those three will make you understand.”

“Yeah, you never have to wonder where you stand with your grandfather, Edwina, or Rob,” Velma said. “Not that you lie or anything, Andy, but, sheesh, the bluntness of those three!”

“You gotta watch out for Eleanor and Glendella too, though,” Andrew said.

“Yes, they both are very much ladylike in telling you like it is, and Glendella is also an expert of telling whatever business you had no business doing around her, so don't think she's going to cover for you,” Velma said.

“The difference is, they have a filter, like Grandma, who will tell you where to pick it up, put it down, and how without ever being needlessly harsh: it just is,” Andrew said. “Eleanor really is like that and Glendella is too. But Edwina and Rob? Ain't nobody got time for all that in their minds, and that's just straight Papa, who can get you in one call to understand you don't need to call him again, because … .”

“You would be better off bothering a chimpanzee, but if you keep it up you're going to get torn up either way,” Velma said. “I got it, Andy. I got it.”

“Dangerous people letting you know not to ask them to do dangerous things, because they will,” Andrew said as he shook his head. “Veterans really are a different type of people, but they earned it.”

“Yep,” Velma said. “Mom says that all the time about Dad, too, and about why we can't go do stupid stuff because Dad's idea of a rescue is something our friends are not prepared for.”

“Yep,” Andrew said. “Papa got his nickname because of what some guys at the prep high school did to some of Papa's girl cousins and what he did in response – ain't nobody ready, and he was like 16 then. Then, add about 33 years of military – and what he did to the bad foster parents of George, Amanda, and Edwina was just crazy. When folks BEG to be put in jail because they are SO SCARED … .”

“I bet your last set of foster parents thanks God every day that they are saved for real,” Velma said.

“Listen,” Andrew said, “in life, you gotta make choices. You can walk with the Lord Jesus and be saved from all the eternal consequences of sin, or not, but if not, and you run up against Papa? Just check yourself in at the zoo, buy a chimp suit, and learn how to do chimp things so you don't blow your disguise. That's probably the only safe choice available.”

“Yeah, your grandfather and my dad and uncle can keep a whole bunch of zoos full,” Velma said. “We are still trying to figure out how Dad shot out all four tires on Cousin Darnell's car at the same time – he was glad enough to be alive to get picked up, but, see, if he wasn't Cousin Darnell, and Dad actually didn't care about him … yeah, he woulda been better off pestering the chimpanzee at the office.”