As kids, we learned consciously or unconsciously how to confidently do certain things without feeling guilty or apologizing. Being fully developed comes with some sense of responsibility. Adulthood is not just about age, it's about responsibility, accountability, decision making, and the rest.
However, there are certain things we still can't confidently do as adults, and as a matter of fact still figuring it out.
Have you ever found yourself trying so much to be seen as a good person in the eyes of others even at your own expense? Have you ever felt like or worried about how some people do not like you and you sometimes go out of your way to gain their acceptance?
Have you ever felt like over explaining yourself just so you're not misunderstood? Alright, these right here are few amongst other things most adult are still trying to outgrow.
First, an average adult cannot decline request. Saying no to something and being firm about it without having to send tons of apology to cover up for the "no."
Take for instance, you were invited for an event and on that same date, you have something really important you need to do or somewhere you need to be. So, instead of outrightly telling the person you won't be able to make to the event, you try cutting corners, looking for other ways and excuses to give, to make turning down the request sound nice. Or maybe someone asked you for a favour and it turned out it's something beyond your capability. So, instead of telling the person "Oh, I would have loved to help, but this is something beyond me. You rather try to go out of your way even though it would cos you your peace and convenience, you go ahead to grant their request just so they applaud you, say good things about you.
An adult should confidently and firmly say " no" without having to feel like the worst person alive
Second, the need to constantly over explain ourselves to people just so they're impressed by our decisions. We should be okay, whether or not people understand us. I Know that sometimes we want to feel among, we want to feel like we're also doing something or achieving our goals, but over–explaining every of our processes shows lack of confidence in oneself.
Again, many adults also struggle with maintaining friendships. we're in the era where social media has taken a greater part of our time, and friendship these days suffer inadequate communication. We ghost people we're supposed to reach out to when we go through tough times instead of actually talking things out. We check in today, and the next time we check in is a month later. We're always waiting for who says hello first. Everything is now on social media chats, no proper physical meet ups, no actual phone calls.
In addition, most adult breakdown a lot of times, because rest now feels like something we should earn first. We wait untill we're burn out or sick to pause. You would ask an adult how many hours they've had to sleep a day or even at night, and they go: 3hours. We've now accepted the ideology that once we rest or sleep, were lazy and unproductive. Every adult should take rest seriously. If we work round the clock without taking a break, it will lead to even more unproductivity. Whereas, resting and recharging brings about more productivity.
All these and more, I'm still figuring out as an adult. oh yes, I have not mastered life yet, I'm still learning, unlearning and relearning. And I think it's the case with some adults too.
How do I handle these situations?
Well, I have learn't to choose myself everyday, not because I lack empathy or do not consider others when making decisions, but because I cannot give from an empty vessel. I cannot pour into people what I do not have. So, the same way I would love to care for others, I first start with myself. I do not also try to impress others at my own expense. If I'm comfortable with something, I go ahead. If feel uncomfortable, I decline, and life goes on. Everybody will be alright eventually.
And yes it has led to an eye–opening experience. Last month, I was seriously sick, had pains all over my body. Normally if I have malaria, I would probably get an antimalarial drugs, and in few days I would be fine. But it turned out I had overstressed myself in the last few months, and it was telling on my body.
It went on for close to two weeks with severe pains and headaches, there i regretted not resting when I needed it, and then told myself I was going include rest in my to–do–list, daily. I wasn't going to wait until I was exhausted and worn out before taking a break to rest.
Also, some people tend to take you for granted if you're always the yes person, always agreeable, predictable. Sometimes, in other to avoid being taken for a ride, you just have to disappoint people. And that is fine.
Image is mine.
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