I lost three friends in one year. Not to death. Not to any big argument or falling out. Just to silence. The kind that creeps in slowly and then one day you realise you have not heard from somebody in four months and they live twenty minutes away.
That year was the hardest year of my life. Lost a job, had no money, was dealing with things privately that i could not even put into words at the time. And the people i thought would be there just quietly vanished. No fight. No reason given. Just gone.
And i sat with that for a long time trying to figure out what i did wrong.
Took me a while to understand i did not do anything wrong. I just stopped being convenient.
That is the thing about some friendships that nobody prepares you for. Some people are not really your friends. They are just people who enjoy your company when your company costs them nothing. When you are happy, funny, doing well, going out, buying rounds, showing up with energy, they are right there. But the moment you need something back, the moment you are heavy, the moment being around you requires actual effort, you find out very quickly what you actually meant to them.
It hurts more than people admit. Because you do not just lose the friend. You lose the version of the relationship you thought you had. You realise the thing you were holding onto was never really there the way you believed it was.
I am not bitter about it anymore. Took time but i got there. Because honestly those people leaving created space. Space for the ones who actually showed up. And there were people who showed up. Quietly, without making a big deal of it. Just checked in, sat with me, did not try to fix anything just stayed. Those people i still have today.
Struggle does not destroy friendships. It just tells the truth about them.
And as painful as that truth is, it is better to know. Because you cannot build anything real on a foundation of people who only want you at your best.
Keep the ones who stayed. Let the rest go without anger.
Not everybody who walks with you is walking with you.
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