There is a version of love that i held for a long time that equated staying with caring. That read releasing someone as a withdrawal of feeling. That measured the depth of love by the tightness of the grip.
That version caused me to hold on past honest endpoints more than once. Not from malice. From a genuine belief that leaving was the lesser version of love and staying, regardless of whether it was honest, was the higher one.
The hardest letting go i have done was with someone i still genuinely cared about. Someone who mattered to me in ways that were completely real. But what we were to each other had shifted into something that neither of us could honestly maintain in the same form, and staying inside the old form was costing both of us things we had not fully named to each other yet.
Creating distance felt like every wrong thing at first. Like giving up. Like choosing comfort over commitment. The old belief that staying was always the loving thing made the decision feel like failure.
What i could not see clearly from inside the decision was that maintaining something dishonest was not love either. It was just familiarity with a layer of mutual pretending underneath it. And the pretending was costing us both more than the honest ending would have.
The love did not disappear with the form of the relationship. That surprised me more than i expected. What changed was the container, not the feeling. And in the new container, with the old pretending removed, something more honest became possible between us than had been available inside the thing we were maintaining.
Letting go of a form is not always letting go of the person. Sometimes it is the only way to actually keep them in any real sense.
And to be honest it's the best option have experience so far, forcing people in to your life can definitely cost you a lot more damages physical and emotionally.
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