The performance was convincing enough that i almost fooled myself. Not just other people. The right answers to how are you came out so automatically that i almost stopped noticing they were automatic.
What i was not doing was actually checking. Honestly. Whether the things i was spending my time on were genuinely feeding me or just sufficiently busy. Whether the direction i was moving in was one i had actually chosen or just drifted into and maintained out of inertia. Whether the relationships i was investing in were nourishing or just familiar.
Those questions felt risky. Like asking them too directly would open something that would be hard to close again. So i kept not asking. For longer than i should have.
Eventually something made the performance harder to maintain than usual and the questions were closer to the surface than i could comfortably ignore. So i sat with them properly for the first time in a while.
Some of what i found was genuinely okay. More than i expected actually. But some of what i found was honest in a way that required something from me. Required changes i had been avoiding because the inertia of the existing situation was easier than the discomfort of adjusting it.
The gap between what performs well and what actually sustains you is where a lot of quiet unhappiness lives without being fully named. You can spend years maintaining the performance while the thing underneath it slowly empties out.
Checking in with yourself honestly does not have to be a crisis. It can just be a regular honest question. Not for anyone else. Just for you, in the private space where the performance is not required and the real answer is the only useful one.
Ask it. Then sit with what comes up before you talk yourself out of it.
https://vote.hive.uno/@thebbhproject
https://vote.hive.uno/@hivecuba
Support the witness and vote for TheBbhProject carried out by 