My first couple posts have centered around my eating disorder as one facet of my anxiety. With this post, I hope to turn a broader lens on anxiety, and share how it surfaces in my life.
I had consistent night terrors as a child. This meant that I would wake up screaming and sweating most nights, unable to fully shake the demons that roamed my unconscious mind. I also experienced constant stomach pains, aching and nausea that felt like true physical sickness. We went to all sorts of doctors, acupuncturists, nutritionists, chiropractors, therapists, ect.. and the only answer they could give us was that I was a "nervous kid".
This was not an inaccurate diagnosis. Both of my parents contend with anxiety, so it made sense that it had taken hold of me through my genes. I was too young at the time to intuit what was going on and verbalize my internal state. Thus, the anxiety expressed itself through my unconscious mind and physical body.
It still does. Even after "growing up" with my anxious self, trying to understand what triggers me and how to best engage in self- care, I still experience the physical symptoms. I feel it mostly in my stomach, but also in my head, heartbeat, and energy level. The usual bevy hits like this: my heart begins to race with an irregular beat; I feel pressure in my skull and behind my eyes; my stomach twists into knots or drops like a waterfall. This all usually happens before my thinking mind has a chance to process anything. It is confusing and scary, as if I am just being taken along for the ride.
We are not bodies, we are souls who HAVE bodies. And yet, these physical selves are our receptors for interacting with the external world. They are the vessels that manifest our internal state as well as the effects of our environment. I believe that working to understand our bodies' reactions can bring us into closer relationships with our true selves.
Some things that have helped at different stages of my life...
~ Yoga. Whether a class or a couple brief sun salutations in my home, mindful movement has felt restorative. I find Yin to be especially grounding.
~Music. Turning on songs that are familiar, sad, poignant, or emotion- evoking always feels good. Whether it triggers release in the form of tears or brings on a bout of cathartic singing, it's all good.
~Writing. I have several journals that I try to write in regularly, but don't always keep up with. I find that writing (for ME) works best preventatively, but can also bring clarity in moments of anxiety.
~Getting outside. Being out from underneath roofs and between walls helps expand my mental space and makes me breath easier.
