K - 1st, Juniper Elementary School, I was introduced to public schooling a year earlier than my peers. When all of the other little kindergartners were 5 years old, I'd just turned 4. In 1st grade when they were 6, I was 5, etcetera. Mrs. Kennedy handed each of us a pencil and a blank piece of paper:
Pay attention, class. Today we're going to play a drawing game. Who wants to play a game?
We erupted like a buncha first graders who were just asked if they want to play a game.
Think about your home, ok. What or who's there? Is mom home right now, do you have a sister or a brother? What about a family pet? Maybe you have more than one pet. These are just some ideas, everyones home looks different. You have 30 minutes to draw a picture of home, ok? Clock.. starts... now!
Dear Mrs. Kennedy: That was quite genius.
She's probably dead now.
Think about it, in just 30 minutes she collected an arsenal of intel. If anyone drew a picture of a decapitated cat all coked out stabbing everyone to death at the dinner table with a potato peeler or daddy drowning other mommy in the jacuzzi, she could proceed accordingly.
I don't remember anyone drawing attention to their self. For the most part each first graders masterpiece was informative and positive. Mrs. Kennedy hovered over our shoulders asking questions and making suggestions, observing, commending and assisting. The classroom was a party. We all laughed and played the drawing game.
Very nice, Mary. Is that you and your dad at the bus stop?
Yes. My daddy walks me to the bus stop every day and I sit next to Flora and Fauna on the bus.
You're quite the artist, Philip. Is that you and your dad?
No, that's my brother and my dog. We play basketball after school.
This is interesting, Arts. What have you drawn? I see a television and a dinner table, a dog house on the right but what's that on the left?
That's me driving my mom up a wall.
If she laughed out loud, I don't remember. I can't recall being embarrassed so she must not have. If however she did not frantically mask an uncontrollable outburst, something's wrong with her cuz that's hilarious. I've told that story I don't know how many times—never gets old. I hope Mrs. Kennedy equally benefitted from that drawing.
I'm an only child raised by a single mother. I've been screaming from rooftops my whole life. The underdog corner is all I know.
Sheila Jo had quite a few shibbōleths that stuck with me over the years but that one's classic. "You're driving me up a wall." Funny. I drove her nuts. I'm only slightly refined these days, I call it mastering the art of kill'em with kindness. I often wonder how Pura does it. She says I'm a lot like her dad. Good thing she loved her dad!
Want in one hand, shit in the other. See what fills up faster.
That's another one. Each time I wanted a new Hotwheel or model airplane or a pack of musclemen or baseball cards or anything that started with 'I want,' that's what I got. "Want in one hand, shit in the other. See what fills up faster."
That meant I can't get anything.
She had a lot of them, each passed down generationally I'm sure. Some I can't forget, some I still laugh about, most I wish I could remember but only one requires a third option. That one. Wanting in one hand and shitting in the other is too easy—want hand always loses. "My eyeballs are floating," that's another one, she'd say that when she had to pee real bad.
Want in one hand, shit in the other... and then everywhere you can and can not think of more shit—don't even have to walk under a parrot tree. Not just by enemies and employers or past lovers, either, not even. You'll be shit on by those whom you love the most, despise most, both virtual strangers and childhood friends, co-workers, city officials, medical professionals, toll booth attendants, cab drivers, those sworn to protect and serve and even authoritative type persons in elected positions will shit on you. See what fills up faster.
Meh. Either way I'm going home empty handed iguess and hers is easier to remember. "Careful what you wish for," that's another one and "put your best foot forward." She was OG.
