When it happened, she had barely been jogging for about half an hour. Suddenly, a dozen young males started sprinting towards her. They jumped on her, dragged her into the bushes, and began beating her with a lead pipe before she even realized what was going on. One of the boys repeatedly kicked her in the face, causing her to bleed profusely. They then raped and sodomized her before abandoning her.
I'm sure you've heard about the sad, unimaginable incident that occurred several years ago in Central Park. Not only was I shocked by the brutality of the attack, but I was even more shocked to learn who the perpetrators were. They were teenagers, ranging in age from 14 to 17. They were neither destitute nor did they originate from abusive families, contrary to popular belief.
They were young men who had attended private schools. Kids that took tuba instruction, Little League players. These youngsters were not ethnically motivated or driven insane by drugs. For one reason and one reason only, they assaulted and threatened to kill this 28-year-old woman. They even had a name for what they were trying to accomplish: "wilding."
A jet airliner crashed on takeoff from National Airport in our nation's capital less than 250 miles distant during a blinding snowstorm. During rush hour, it collided with the Potomac Bridge. As traffic came to a halt, emergency responders were called to the scene, and the bridge quickly descended into chaos and terror. Firefighters and paramedics were overwhelmed by the devastation and dove into the Potomac repeatedly to save crash victims. The life preserver was continuously passed from one man to another.
He saved a lot of people's lives, but not his own. He had sunk beneath the freezing surface of the water by the time the rescue chopper arrived. This man sacrificed his life to rescue the lives of complete strangers! What possessed him to place such a high value on the lives of others—people he didn't even know—that he was willing to sacrifice his own?
What makes someone from a "decent family" act so ruthlessly and without remorse, while another risked his life to save complete strangers? What makes someone a hero, a villain, a criminal, or a supporter? What factors influence how people behave? I've been searching for answers to these questions all of my life. One thing is evident to me: humans are not haphazard creatures; we do things for a reason.
Although we may not be aware of the rationale for our actions, there is unquestionably a single driving factor behind all human conduct. From our relationships and economics to our bodies and minds, this energy has an affect on every aspect of our existence. What is this force that has and will continue to have authority over you for the rest of your life? PAIN AND REWARD! Everything you and I do is motivated by either a desire to avoid pain or a desire to experience pleasure.
I hear individuals talk about making changes in their life all the time. They just can't seem to get themselves to do it. They are annoyed, stressed, and even enraged with themselves because they know they need to act, but they can't seem to motivate themselves to do so.
There is one simple reason for this: people continue to try to change their behavior, which is the effect, rather than dealing with the underlying problem.
Understanding and employing the forces of pain and pleasure will enable you to make the long-term adjustments and improvements you desire for yourself and people you care about once and for all. Failure to comprehend this force will sentence you to a life of reaction, similar to that of an animal or a machine. This may appear to be an oversimplification, but think about it. Why don't you go ahead and do some of the things you've been meaning to accomplish?
What, after all, is procrastination? It occurs when you are aware that you should do something yet fail to do so. What's to stop you? The explanation is simple: you believe that taking action now would be more unpleasant than deferring it till later.
What's stopping you from contacting the person of your dreams? What's stopping you from launching that new business you've been dreaming about for years? Why are you putting off your diet? Why do you put off finishing your thesis? Why haven't you taken command of your investment portfolio?
What's stopping you from doing whatever it takes to create the life you've always wanted? Even though you know that all of these acts would benefit you—that they would almost certainly bring joy to your life—you fail to act because you equate greater pain with completing what has to be done than with missing out on the chance at the time. What if you contacted that individual and they turned you down? What if you tried to start that new business but failed, causing you to lose your current job's security? What if you went on a diet and suffered the consequences?
For the most part, the fear of losing outweighs the desire to gain. Which would motivate you more: the possibility of earning $100,000 in the next five years, or preventing someone from taking the $100,000 you've earned over the prior five years? The truth is that most individuals would work far harder to keep what they have than to take the risks required to obtain what they truly desire from life.
In talks about these twin powers that drive us, an intriguing issue frequently arises: why do people suffer pain but fail to change? They haven't had enough anguish yet; they haven't reached what I refer to as the emotional threshold. If you've ever been in a toxic relationship and ultimately decided to exercise your own power, take action, and change your life, it's likely because you reached a point when you couldn't take it any more. We've all had those moments in our lives when we've said to ourselves, "I've had it—never again—this has to change now." This is the amazing moment when suffering transforms into our ally. It motivates us to take new actions and achieve new outcomes. We are even more compelled to act if, at the same time, we begin to imagine how changing our life will bring us a great lot of joy.
This is a process that affects more than just relationships. Perhaps your physical condition has reached a point where you've had enough of not being able to fit into an airplane seat, not being able to fit into your clothes, and finding climbing a flight of stairs exhausting. "I've had enough!" you finally said, and you made a decision. What prompted you to make that choice? It was the desire to replace sorrow in your life with pleasure: the pleasure of pride, the pleasure of comfort, the pleasure of self-esteem, the pleasure of living your life on your own terms.
Naturally, there are different levels of discomfort and pleasure.
Feelings of embarrassment, for example, are a particularly strong sort of emotional anguish. Pain is also the sensation of being inconvenienced. Boredom is also a factor. Obviously, some of these are less intense, but they are nonetheless considered in the decision-making process. Similarly, pleasure plays a role in this process. Much of our motivation in life stems from our expectation that our actions will lead to a more exciting future, that today's job will be well worth the effort, and that pleasurable rewards are close at hand. However, there are numerous levels of enjoyment. For example, while most people believe that euphoria is powerful, the pleasure of comfort can sometimes surpass it. It all depends on a person's point of view.