If my internal voice were to take a fleshly breath and become human, it would make a very fearful being. I have always battled with making up my mind to do something. People outside may admire how effortlessly I got something done, how easy it was for me, but deep down, I know the courage I had to pull up and the “I can do this” I had to say under my breath before I finally got it done. These two words: “What if?”
What if this happens? What if that happens? Most of the time, the answers my mind gives me are negative. Sometimes, even after doing something nice, if I don't get a compliment for the work, damn, to me, it is suddenly not nice at all, even if I thought it was nice in my own eyes
I am often too cautious because I don't want to get it wrong.
One day, I was having a discussion with a friend, and he asked me, “What is your biggest fear?”
I answered, “Criticism.”
I am always scared of what someone has to say about my work. Will I get a recommendation or a bad comment? Will people appreciate what I have done, or will they point out what I got wrong?
He advised me that friendly criticism should be a guide to me. Yes, it might not be pleasing to hear, but I should accept it and learn from it.
When I was doing my final-year project, my supervisor warned us against paying people to do our writing and discussions for us. We were expected to sit down and do our work ourselves.
I did not have a laptop, and I knew how difficult it would be to do this work. There was also the fear of not doing it well and getting plenty of corrections.
I finally made up my mind. I asked questions and went through past work to see how it was done and arranged. I did the first one with my phone, from Chapter One to Chapter Three. I submitted it. The corrections were too much.
My supervisor told me to do it better. That moment, I was sad because I thought I had done a nice job. I had to calm down and start from the beginning again. I had to update my search engines and citations. I was able to do it.
When I tell my friends that I did my work myself, they are always surprised. If I even tell them I did it with my phone, they start doubting.But I did it. And I am very proud of myself for not allowing self-doubt to stop me.
I think, little by little, I have started to care less about what someone has to say. I do my best. It is left for you to say something about it. I will either learn from your words or appreciate them. Sometimes, I don't let my internal critic define everything I do. Sometimes, I tell myself that the best way to confront the “What if?” is by doing it and seeing what will eventually come from it. If my internal critic were a human being, it would hate daring. It would hate trying. It would hate failing. It would prefer not to try for the fear of failing. It would be very timid.
Image is mine
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