It breaks my heart that my mother still cannot address the heinous acts her father committed against us -- her children -- or ask for forgiveness for how she reacted.
After the abuse was revealed, my mother immediately denied the allegations and abandoned us for a number of years. By the time I did see her again, she had the ingenious idea to take me to where my grandfather was staying and acted like everything was fine, then invalidated the experiences I endured to her then-boyfriend at the time.
I was 19 when I ceased contact with her; several years later, I reached out of my own accord to at least inform my mother that she was now a grandma. Her greatest wish had finally been granted, and I held onto the childish belief that things could be different.
My grandmother, the widow of my abuser who also chose not to believe me, is now claiming she "doesn't know why she's here" and is suicidal. I tried reaching out 3 times, to nothing but Left On Read.
The grandmother who cares more about her little dog than she does her great-grandchildren. The grandmother who never cared that I was suicidal.
My mother, who chose to be in an abusive marriage, which also contributed to my depression and suicidal thoughts at 13-years-old, somehow idiotically chooses to believe that her invalidation of my mental health means we're on the same playing field.
The same woman who, on the day of my miscarriage delivery, showed up with A MAN I HAD NEVER MET BEFORE to watch our two children, KNOWING the experiences I had with men I KNEW, let alone the ones I DIDN'T. What if THAT man had abused MY children?! I had to spend the entire delivery worrying about the incompetency of my mother...
God tells us not to look back; I only wished I had known this before reaching out to my mother...
