I used to think I could win an argument with logic. I was young, foolish, and burdened by 'facts.' Now I am 50 and much slower and hopefully wiser, and I simply don't care what people think about me, I rather just care about my blood pressure :). Also, I now have seen Trump and his Maga-morons....and I realized you can’t outsmart a brick wall. You have to become the brick wall.
Do you guys remember back in the days we were building a WALL, and Mexico was paying for it? I do!
"They say a wall is medieval. Well, so is a wheel! A wheel is older than a wall."
What do you say to that?
Generated by Leonardo
There is a guy at my workplace who bothers me about random problems. The dude asked me why the printer wasn't working. I started to explain the IP address conflict, but I saw his eyes glaze over. I remembered the Golden Rule: Don’t outsmart, out-dumb. I stopped mid-sentence, sighed, and said, 'The printer is moody because it’s a Mercury Retrograde, and it needs some space.' He nodded solemnly, patted the tray, and walked away.
There are flat earth people at hive, and I have heard all kinds of stuff from them. Today, when someone at my random coffee shop, told me that gravity is just a 'suggestion' by the scientists, I didn’t argue. I didn't pull out a textbook or send the person a legitimate internet resource. I just looked them dead in the eye and asked, 'Wait, you still believe in the Earth?' The silence was beautiful. I have finally achieved peak performance, it is like beating the final boss in your favorite game! By the way, the name of the coffee shop is Black Hole Coffee House.......and I am NOT making this up!! So I thought, my statement there was legit! :) You can look up the place in Houston.
Last week at work, the IT guy told me my password was "weak." I told him, "Actually, it’s a stealth password. It’s so strong it’s invisible. If you can see the characters, the hackers can see them. My password is a ghost." He didn't even reply. He just closed the ticket.
Our workplace now exclusively work on Virtual Machine (VM). Not only just that, we control the VMs, somewhere in San Antonio; but the main application that I use for seismic interpretation, is controlled by a vendor, in a different VM environment. So I essentially work on a VM inside a VM. We also do not have any tech support in house anymore! It is all routed virtually to India!!! What can go wrong!
I’ve officially reached a new level of enlightenment. Last Wednesday I think, my Virtual Machine crashed. I called tech support on Teams, and the poor guy in Bangalore started going through the script.
'Sir, please check your internet connection.'
I stopped him right there. 'Friend,' I said, 'The internet is just a series of invisible walls. And you know what walls need? Wheels. My VM doesn't have wheels. It’s stationary. That’s why it’s not moving.'
There was a long silence on the other end of the line. I could hear him hitting 'backspace' on his soul.
He tried again: 'Sir, I am seeing high latency on your side.'
I replied, 'Latency is just a stealth lag. You can't see it, which means it’s working perfectly. If I could see the lag, it wouldn't be stealth. The fact that I can't work means the invisibility is at 100% capacity. It’s a win for the company.'
He told me he needed to 'remote into my machine.' I told him that was impossible because I had placed a physical padlock on my monitor. He explained that doesn't stop a remote connection. I told him, 'It’s a Virtual Padlock. It’s medieval technology. It’s older than the cloud, therefore it’s more powerful.'
He didn't even ask me to restart. He just probably marked the ticket as 'Resolved by Divine Intervention' and hung up. I haven't had to log into a VM in three days.
By the way, I have been able to restart my VM today on Sunday. Everything seems to be normal :) Must be the divine intervention!
Please never call Tech Support!
