Reflection on Today's Writing Block + Highlights from Today's Dancing
Today, I had plans to finish a super deep blog post about holistic activism and consciousness evolution. Spending the whole day working away on it, I found myself forcing the writing process. Nothing about it felt organic. Eventually I had to come to the sobering realization that my heart wasn't in the game, no matter how much I tried to make it work. As they say, "force closes the heart."
When I get locked into a project or task that I'm passionate about, it's often hard to peel myself away from the computer screen to do basic things like eat or take breaks. Even if it's dysfunctional and totally counter-productive, I'll stubbornly dig my heels in and keep grinding. Sometimes this is an effective way to solve problems. Most of the times, it's not. I hope to get better at managing this habit.
Eventually, I forced myself to look in the mirror. I asked myself why I felt urgency to get it done today. So far on Hive, I've been able to find flow and ease with what I choose to write about, so this was indeed a humbling first experience. What came up was an irrational thought process that if I couldn't complete it by today, then this whole day was a waste of time. And that I'm a stupid failure and unworthy of talking about the issue.
Typing this out loud is healing. It's healing the ways that my fears can hide quietly inside me, unconsciously guiding my actions and emotions in ways that do not serve. I can be really hard on myself. Yet now that I'm bringing it into the light, I'm more likely to shift these thoughts and hold them with compassion and maybe even a little humor.
So... I shut my laptop closed, took a deep breath, and danced to get back into my heart. I felt renewed afterwards.
And yes, my living room has a disco ball ;)
Track ID:
- Blue Sky - The Allman Brothers Band
- Hungersite - Goose
- Drifter - Be Svendsen