“Have you ever felt your destiny unfolding, beloved? Have you experienced the intensity of the hunt, the fixation of attention that only fate can explain? Have you ever told yourself your feelings were excessive, but known that something huge and pivotally important was carrying you along like a riptide? You can fight that current all you want; you know it will still have its way with you. Or you can try swimming along with it, and grow amazed by your own power—until you pause and realize that you aren’t moving but being moved. You’re not in control, not at all, and that’s what makes the feeling so exquisitely exciting.” - Martha Beck
Today, I played around with my phone and took a few self-portraits of myself. This was the one that stood out to me the most.
Looking into my own eyes, here's what I see.
I see how ready I am for the big changes coming that are already here, yet reveal more of itself day by day. I'm ready to move out of the Bay Area, California, the only place I've ever lived in. I'm ready to deepen the exploration of love and co-creative energy with an extraordinary man that takes my breath away. No longer conforming to places I've outgrown, I'm ready to get outside of my comfort zone. Be humbled and challenged. Grow a thicker skin. Try on new things, learn new skills, engage in creative projects. Learn from the outliers of the world in all their colors and shapes, continue serving my community in real and authentic ways. Notice and celebrate all the new parts of myself that wants to emerge. Step deeper into my natural, soft, feminine self. Slow things down and notice what's around me, to engage in moments of mystery, magic and synchronicity.
I'm ready for meaningful risks, leaps of faith, and time for stillness and reflection in between.
I am clear that all of this did not come by accident. Over time, my unconscious and conscious parts of me have been co-creating together, influenced by all that I am energetically drawn to and touched by. I am reaching a threshold moment, a frontier that divides two rhythms, territories, ways of life. I can no longer go back to what my life was before I left on this trip. Yet I am also careful to remind myself of what came before, that supported me in manifesting where I am right now. As integral theorist Ken Wilber says, we "transcend and include" as we evolve. So I keep my heart open to what I'm leaving behind. At the same time, I am deeply grieving what I'm leaving behind, and the parts that I cherished as well as the parts that I was challenged by.
This is what I see when I look in my own eyes.
"On Joy and Sorrow", Kahlil Gibran
Then a woman said, speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
