The sun was low in the summer sky as people rushed to their homes to avoid the late-August heat. It was a great day for the beach, or for going to the park, but our story isn't either of those things. It is a story of job hunting, the hiring frenzy of a career, the search for stability and a steady income.
"Hey, did you see my handbag on the ground?" I ask.
My friend nods and I walk over to pick up all the essentials that I like to carry with me. A digital camera and a wallet of cash, along with some miscellaneous cards and old receipts.
"You dropped it!"
"I didn't drop it. You bumped me."
We look at each other with smiles and shake our heads. We head to our usual picnic spot and sit down. We're visible from the water and yet nobody is near us or around. It is the perfect place for private talks.
"How did it go at the library?" she starts.
"Pretty good. I got an interesting job, too. I can't share much with you now, but I'll get part-time translation work, even though it's only five days a week."
"Really? Wow!" She doesn't believe me but I'm happy enough to sell it to her. It's wonderful to be the center of someone's attention. It's great to know you don't need to rely on someone else for something important, when you can rely on yourself.
"So, how are things going at the food bank? Any changes?" I ask.
"Well, this may not be the best time to tell you but I think I'm going to be more active there than before, you know, volunteer more often and stuff."
I glance away. It doesn't feel right that she'll be seeing more of Mr. Barrett than before. At times I feel jealous. At times I feel as if she's throwing herself in the lap of fate, hoping to either kiss or avoid disaster.
"Look, I know it's getting much more serious between us now but it's been about three months and nothing has happened between us. I think I've asked you out three times. I've never accepted your dates either, even though you do seem to want me. I want to tell you that you need to take your time because I don't want to do anything that will make you regret this," I sincerely tell her.
"No, no, no. It can wait. I've had my share of that. It's not easy," she replies.
I try not to sound too harsh. I can see she's in pain. I try again.
"I know, but I also want to be honest with you. It feels like your focus is on Mr. Barrett. If that's so, I'm not sure I want to feel like an afterthought. I think we need to take a break."
"No, we don't. I'm so sorry, OK? I should have been more sensitive. It's just that, well, I'm getting caught up in him. Honestly, I think we may be sleeping together soon."
"Are you serious?"
"I've made it obvious that I'm not. I begged him to wait until he was certain of me, but he's just as insistent on making a move as I am. I feel drawn to him. I do love you but..."
"I've still got feelings for you, you know?" I don't think I'm dramatizing the scene in front of me. I really feel this way, but it's changing. I feel like a first-grader.
"There's a lot more going on in my life than this, you know. I'm still not sure what I want. Mr. Barrett is certainly attractive, but, you know, sex isn't going to solve it."
I hold my breath and clear my throat. I'd hate to tell her that it would. I'd hate to tell her that sex with Mr. Barrett, Mr. Never-Said-Anything-Naughty, may be all she's looking for, especially when she's so focused on all Mr. Barrett does say. Besides, how does she know that the feelings she has are what she wants? She doesn't know at all.
She's in the fold. She's in that place where most people are at their best. Where most people don't know what they want. Where most people take a leap of faith that it's the right one. She's in her moment of truth. I'm also in mine.
I go. I stand. I leave the picnic table and pick up my bag.
"Where are you going?" she asks.
"I'm going to go home."
She frowns and gets up, tossing her bag on the table.
"May I ask why?"
"You're having second thoughts now? You can't keep pushing me away, you know. I'm tired and uncomfortable with this. I want some honesty now. You want to be with him, fine. I just want to know that you're honest with me, OK? Do you want to be with me or with Mr. Barrett? You need to choose. And, I think you can only have one. I'll be responsible for my choice. I think it's time to take stock of what I want to do with my life."
I turn to walk away and she grabs my hand.
"Can't I have both?" she asks.
"No, you can't. One has to be the priority. Now, you need to set aside some time and talk to me. You need to be honest with me. You need to commit to one of us at this point." She cries and I feel as if my heart is being pulled from my chest as I look away from her.
"I don't know what I'm going to do!" she cries, her voice choked and her throat hoarse.
