Gratitude & Reframing – Chapter 5: Taking the Red Pill (The Next Le...

We need to develop an attitude of gratitude.

As cheesy and as often said, we need to appreciate what we have over that longing for what we don’t have. Sure, dream, plan and act for better but just be thankful, relax and simply be. The way things are, are the way things are, qué sera sera, she’ll be right.

Always remember that everything is perfect as it is. You have chosen it, you can change it. It’s all 'easy' (well, simple). Flow. Things tend to work out alright. Whatever you’re concerned about never really materialises and things that should concern you, you haven’t thought of and you need to deal with on the fly.

Accept apparent bad things for what they are. Don’t just tolerate them, welcome them. Take them on the chin and power onward. Encourage them to a certain degree as you will not be defeated. They act as guides and they strengthen your character.

Remember that.

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Here's the thing. I'm guessing you have food, water and shelter. That's the basics met right there. Anything over and above that is a bonus. If ever you have not had those things for a time then you realise nothing else matters. You really don't care about anything other than attaining those basics.

You have an internet connection and access to a computer. You must have to be able to have accessed and be reading this article. That means that not only have you your basic needs met but you are far better off than that.

You have the means to communicate with the whole world instantly, have all the information you could ever want at your fingertips, an ability to make money and be entertained constantly.

I would hazard a guess that you are able to also indulge in some luxuries. I bet you go out once in a while, have a few drinks, perhaps dinner and many other things. Purchase clothes on a fairly regular basis, you may even have your own car, perhaps the odd holiday. I could go on but you are doing just fine.

I'm not going to start comparing you to the rest of the world, saying that most don't have these luxuries, many don't have food or clean water. You are in a good position compared to them but that's not your fault but cherish the fact that you are doing pretty damn well for yourself, but more importantly you can change it and improve it at the drop of a hat.

Your choice.

I have on occasion been known to get a little pissed off. Mainly when due to having to go to a job I don't want to go to just to earn enough money to live and keep doing the same.

I have to think a little about what I do have. Not compared to those less fortunate as such, but in and of itself.

Job, family, health, food/water/shelter, basics + luxuries, opportunities, fully functioning body and mind etc.

And if you're not happy with anything you have the potential to change it, improve. That's the biggest thing to be grateful about; the potential and ability to alter things to your way, to learn, to grow… you have all the tools at your disposal.

And if you don't have all your 'faculties', if a part of you is injured, diseased or missing then whilst that is a bad thing, it builds the appreciation of what you do have and you can then make the choice from that point of how you will react.

Let it define you and destroy you. Or use it to drive you to a greater good.

Life's biggest lesson paradox…

Here it is:

You have to be content with what you have in order to obtain more, but you need to be unhappy enough in order to strive for more.

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I remember working for a direct sales company. In fact I referenced that job in the first report. We would essentially be foot soldiers doing the (thankless and unrelenting) job of going door to door selling gas and electric. Great huh.

The manager fella was a seasoned campaigner and didn't have to go out in the field. His job was to manage and motivate us to be successful. He could chill in the office or do whatever he wanted really whilst we were out and about.

Often, he did actually get involved as he loved to get out there, get his hands dirty. He was a fairly cheeky chappy and he was the kind of person that enjoyed that kind of thing. Added to the fact, he didn't really need to do it; not for anyone else and not for the money… he could just do it for fun once in a while. He really didn't give a shit. He was indifferent (there's that word again!).

Anyway, what he always said and encouraged us with was that we should be striving to be in his position (or similar) in the not too distant future, ie pay our dues, get the results at sales, build a mini team and then run an office. This would take some time but not too far in the future.

He would say that you need to love the job enough to get you out of bed, motivate you and get the sales. But hate it enough that you wouldn't want to stay in that position for any longer then you had to, and become a leader of your own team where you can have others doing the ground work and you can just get involved as and when you feel like it, if at all.

I wouldn't recommend direct sales, or any sales really. It's a difficult job and you really need to be a certain type of person. You can learn some things and improve, sure, but you really need have a particular mindset which is hard to forge if that isn't really you. If that is you then you can earn good money.

People will pay for that skill for that very reason that it's rare. And if you bring people money, consistently, and lots of it, you will have a piece of that pie. Nowhere near what the guy at the top is getting but a good chunk nonetheless.

You also may need to forgo some morals. You should never have to push to sell anything. This day and age will hopefully show this. People will buy without being pressured and anyone who tries that route will have the door closed on them (metaphorically and literally in some cases).

Selling to people who actually want to hear from you is more effective than interrupting strangers who don't ~ Seth Godin

The era we live in now will be more about recommendations and social proof. People will buy through their own choice and you need to offer your products or services almost under the radar. Not blatantly so, as a marketing angle, I mean genuinely look to help people and let them discover your goods and they will seek you out and pay you more. There will also be more good-will all round.

I digress.

The point about my sales story is that first you must appreciate what you have… then you can strive for more. Actually, that story doesn't fit my point perfectly but I'll keep it in anyway!

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Everything is just fine as it is. Sure, have a goal. Have several… and make them big by all means. But be absolutely ok and content whether you achieve them or not. Don't let them define you. Go after them, plan for them, take action and be happy when you achieve anything, but keep it real. If you don't make it, that's ok. All is fine as it is.

And if you do make it, great. Congratulate yourself (a little, but not too much. Be humble).

The most important thing is the person you're becoming in the process and throughout the journey. The true goal is the growth you experience whilst in that process. The attainment of the final thing is merely a side issue really.

Imagine devoting your whole time and energy to something and not achieving it. You'd be devastated if that was all that it was about.

Also, the other side of the coin; you achieve it. Now what? Even though you are successful, you feel deflated. You've just achieved what you believe to be your deepest desire and now you feel empty.

I recently saw a report on TV about the Olympics on this very subject. It's actually a little depressing. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Either way you don't really win.

Consequently, you need to take a more Zen, middle ground approach. The good, the bad, the ugly. It is what it is. So long as you grow, increase consciousness, genuinely enjoy and be aware each step of the journey… that will be the true success; win, lose or draw.

Re-framing

Along with being a little bit grateful, we should also apply this powerful tool. It could easily be described as 'looking on the bright side' or 'every cloud has a silver lining'.

But that's a bit wishy-washy and cliché and doesn't really mean anything… and it's ever so slightly annoying when people say it.

However, we should re-frame our perspectives in order to improve our outlook and improve our 'lot'. It's not a matter of being deluded and blindly ignoring something and skipping along, gently rocking back and forth saying to yourself, “it's fine, it's fine”.

What we are talking about is putting a slightly different spin on an event or circumstance.

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Not denying it or covering it, still seeing it properly but in a positive light. Whatever it is, is what it is, that's fact. But we may as well see it in the best way possible rather than seek out the worst. Easier said than done of course… but worth a go!

So, re-framing is exactly that, putting something in a slightly different frame, altering the point of view. A picture put in a frame is exactly what it is, the frame around it may make it stand out and look good or make it seem a little dour. But the picture is still the same picture either way.

I do not fix problems. I fix my thinking. Then problems fix themselves ~ Louise L. Hay

There are many occasions where I (and I'm sure you too) have had things happen that may well appear negative and not 'what I want'. Only for the situation to actually turn out better as a result.

And that's the point here, there is no good or bad per se. Just events and our reactions to them.

Some people refer to rain as bad weather. Is it, is it really? The people experiencing months of drought will probably be thrilled about this. Ok, that's an extreme example and most of us don't have droughts. But lets stick to the facts.

Rain is wet.

Water isn't inherently bad, in fact you need it to live. I gladly get in to the shower every day and am surrounded by it. I have been known to go swimming.

Ok, you could argue, I don't go for a shower with my clothes on and there is ample opportunity to dry.

If you're on your way to work and it pisses down (technical term for rain shower in British English) then you will get wet, be uncomfortable and could even catch a cold. That's bad, that's fact.

Now, if you're on your way home from work and this happens and you have no commitments it's absolutely fine. You walk in the door, remove said clothes and put dry ones on. Make a cup of tea. Get cosy, safe in the knowledge that you're safe inside. Put on a DVD. Get on with some inside jobs. It's actually quite a nice feeling. I like it.

On days of 'bad' weather I can sit at my computer and write and not feel that I should be outside. It's great for productivity.

Many people say that it's 'good' weather when it's sunny. The sun is warm. If you're looking to catch a sun tan then this would be an imperative ingredient. It's not great for everyone though; it might be too hot, uncomfortable.

Both of these are equal to me and have their merits. Either get really boring if they continue day after day. Personally I'm a Spring and Autumn kind of guy, don't care much for the more extreme.

Anyway, this impromptu weather discussion is merely an example and can be applied to everything. The weather seems to be quite and obsession for many people so is fairly apt.

The point is: stick with the facts.

The situation is what the situation is, the truth is the only constant here. Don't stray from the facts. Then work from those facts to how you react to them, then take action from that place. If it's something you can change that needs to be changed… change it. If it's something you have no control over, accept it and do what is necessary or desired from that point.

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Confucius

This Chinese thinker & philosopher was a guy who understood this very fact, which he hypothesised in his teachings.

It is the observer that gives meaning to a situation or event. They have no inherent meaning in and of themselves.

He who says he can and he who says he can't, are both usually right

This is one quote (or similar) from our man Confucius.

This could also be considered a very Zen (or Stoic) approach. However, it's not just for Buddhists and similar to follow and be, it's the every man and woman that needs to understand these fundamentals in order to move forward.

Before you attain any success you need to understand and live this. If not, any apparent outward success may have no meaning and may not leave you feeling how you had hoped. And on the flip-side if you lack the apparent outward 'success' then you will still be content. You will be able to strive for more without being defined by it.

And another from Confy:

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life

A little fable to finish the chapter…

Fable of the Farmer – “We'll see”

A farmer had only one horse. One day, his horse ran away.
All the neighbors came by saying, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “We’ll see.”
A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses. The man and his son corraled all 21 horses.
All the neighbors came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said, “We’ll see.”
One of the wild horses kicked the man’s only son, breaking both his legs.
All the neighbors came by saying, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said, “We’ll see.”
The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer’s son was spared, since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted.
All the neighbors came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!” The man just said, “We’ll see.”

Next up, we tackle the fear fairies!