Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first, make sure that you are not, in fact, simply surrounded by assholes ~ William Gibson
In the first book I talked about the concept of ‘get with people’ and surrounding yourself with the right people. Those that share your passions, goals and ideals. Also those with energy, those that encourage and those that are generally moving forwards and making positive contributions to themselves and the world… or at least in the process of attempting to.
I may or may not have gone in to much detail about the opposite but I certainly allude to it. I mention it in the chapter on fear of criticism. I also wrote about whingers on an old blog in one of my 'Room 101' articles.
So as it stands you want to increase your exposure to the right kind of people, circumstances and influences and you want to eliminate where possible and certainly minimise as much as possible all negative influences whatever they may be.
Eradicate and lessen all those influences that aren’t congruent with your principles and objectives.
This includes but is not limited to your friends, family, colleagues, boss, spouse, wider acquaintances and associates, TV you watch, newspapers you read, magazines, advertising you’re bombarded with, politicians, media, clubs/hobbies you’re a part of etcetera etcetera…
You need to be on guard and actively seeking the right surroundings at all times otherwise you may well get sucked in.
At least to start with you have to be very careful and make a conscious effort in this way until you build a bit of momentum and an impenetrable forcefield and you reach such a time that you see what’s right and what’s wrong, good and bad, best to avoid, best to be a part of.
Once you reach that level then it becomes a little easier. You know your truth and you know what you’re striving for, the reasons for it and where you are going. Thus, you are able to operate at that level a little more often and a little easier.
You will still get sucked in occasionally but you will be able to get back on track soon enough and see it all for what it is.
When values are clear, decisions are easy ~ Roy Disney
But before you get to the impenetrable forcefield stage you have to fight that urge to fit in and to blindly nod along when things aren’t right and you’re not following your heart.
It’s ok to be different. No need to do it for the sake of it to cause a fuss or drama or out of a ‘look at me, I’m different, please notice me’ sense.
But if you want to behave differently and follow a different approach that may not fit in with the ‘norm’ then it’s important to get over yourself, over other unsolicited views or opinions and live the way you would like.
The day you realise that it’s ok to be ‘different’ and perhaps follow a different path is the day you set off a chain of events that will lead you down the path of where you want to go.
Here’s the rub: The cold hard fact: If you would like to be successful and achieve different and better results than other people then you will have to think and act differently to those people in order to achieve those results. Fact.
People may not like it. People may think you’re ‘weird’. People may think you’re a saddo for staying in working on a project rather than waste away another night with booze and idle chatter.
They may feel put out by the fact that you would like to work on a future, a legacy, a business, build something (whether for cash and/or influence) for no obvious immediate gain where you wake up the next day with a feeling of satisfaction and knowing that you’re getting there and they wake up - once again - with a headache and an empty wallet.
Well, at least they have the memories… no wait, they don’t have the memories, that’s the point.
Not knocking going out and having a good time, I do it… so do it, make it mindless, that’s all ok, an important part of life, let yourself go, enjoy yourself, relax, get involved, you don’t have to be ‘Mr serious project chaser’ at all times…
But don’t let anyone shake you if you’ve taken an alternative decision to work on yourself and your future. It takes a special kind of person to do that and you will ultimately ‘win’ (whatever that means) if you continue with an unshakeable persistence.
You will constantly come up against these decisions and it is your response to those little and bigger decisions over time that will shape your future.
Make sure you choose wisely, make sure they are your decisions and make sure you aren’t pushed or swayed by someone else who thinks they know better and probably aren’t going anywhere themselves.
By the way, I’m not suggesting these people are losers, just on a different path. They might be chasing their own dreams but operating on a different schedule. For example, they might work on them during the week but your only time is at weekends. This may cause a little conflict or temptation but you will have to remain strong and plan accordingly.
Stick to your guns. This is where you need a little faith in what you are doing and remember your why factor. Why are you doing it, what will you gain from doing it and what will be the cost of not doing it?
Important questions which need to be kept in mind (or rather the answers to them). This may well form the central subject of a future report!
Onwards… and mini rant…
So, back to my number one pet hate in life, whingers and whinging.
Pathetic specimens spouting pathetic nonsense and they don’t even have the good decency to entertain me. Boring, negative shite. Not seeing a problem and actively looking for solutions… oh no… complaining about everything and anything under the sun, doing absolutely nothing about it and emanating this poisonous energy out into the ether.
Drawing in all and sundry into its miasmic bubble. Dragging other people in and dragging them down. All flocking together like hideous stench ridden birds of a feather, making poorly thought out comments and opinions on the way things are and what’s wrong with people, inconstructive and no smidgen or hint at some sort of a solution or positive steps to the mindless discussion.
I’m too busy producing fine wine to bother about those producing sour grapes ~ Unknown
These people disgust me. Just because they’re so shit more than anything else. It may not be their fault but they are old enough and have the potential to become better people I’m sure. But sadly that will take work and behaving differently and breaking away from the existing heard of nobodys.
Every workplace (& family, pub, wherever) has them, some to more advanced degrees than others. Some more obvious, some less so, but always there… pathetic. These people will pontificate and gossip without necessarily having grounds, just something to fill the time for them… that oh so painful gaping void.
They will always complain about the company, the boss, the way things are run, colleagues, the economy, government… even if these things are all great, they will mercilessly seek it out and bring it to discussion. Sometimes loudly, sometimes in whispers and sometimes in quiet corners.
Another great reason why you need to work for yourself and on your own terms so as not to have to deal with these idiots unless you want to perhaps for your own entertainment. You have to be careful as not only do these people have the potential to drag you down to their level, they drag other people in which is then extra for you to avoid or be immune to.
You don’t have to be one of them. Please don’t be one of them. You have too much to offer. Go offer it.
Thing is; if you want to go on a rant then that’s ok. If it provides some comedy, or relieves you/get things off your chest then that’s cool beans. Do that once in a while, it’s quite liberating.
But no whinging and no gossiping.
Remember:
Don’t be a duck, be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd ~ Wayne Dyer
Ok, the occasional gossip in your own time is up to you but do it with a bit of fun and don’t spend too much time on it. The time spent on these negative pursuits is time that isn’t spent on the positive, life affirming, goal getting kind.
The energy spent on these pursuits can be debilitating and sap you of your vital resources. What gives you energy is spending your time living with passion and doing positive things whilst surrounded with like-minded people and situations.
Also, if things aren’t right then question and challenge them, sure, but do it appropriately. Be constructive, positive, offer solutions, ideas.
Be very careful whose company you keep. You need to steer clear of these idiots, you really do. Sorry to be harsh, but it's the way it has to be.
The workplace is a classic example.
At a former job, my colleagues seemed to deem it necessary to have coffee breaks and lunchbreaks together. I played no part in that.
To start with I was questioned as to why wasn't getting involved in these mother's meetings. I didn't want anything to do with them to be honest. I work with the fuckers 40 hours a week. My time is my time. Those 15 minutes and that 1 hour is my respite, to tune back in to my vibe, not tune in to their nonsense.
Don't get me wrong, there were good people involved in the cackle. 1 or 2 whose company I would like to keep either on a one-on-one basis or with other appropriate people. But in this environment… no. Individually, most are absolutely fine and we can get the best out of any exchange. But as a group? Not so.
There were a few I didn't really care for, pointless to force it really… and a language barrier to deal with too.
I had my coffee later, partly as I like to have it later and get more done in the first few hours of the morning and be closer to lunch… but partly by design to avoid the rabble.
“Why do you go out for lunch?” “Where do you go?” Etc
“Away from you, you dullards.”
Not actually said of course but it was my indirect thinking.
Little people talk about people. Medium size people talk about things. And big people talk about ideals and principles ~ Unknown
So, not only do you need to avoid the influx from these kinds of people but you also need to maximise the right kind of people, situations and behaviours. You need to bombard yourself. Continuously. You will become like where you are most influenced.
Be aware, make it count.
Now, I know we are 'all one'. I also realise that other people are mirrors of ourselves etc etc. I get these spiritual principles and I'm working on improving my understanding of this whole area.
However, This is happening right in front of us in the 'real' world. We need to recognise it and make sure we maintain our focus and energy for the greater good. What I've discussed in this chapter is HUGE in going some way to achieving that.
With that rant out the way, it's time to appreciate and positively position all that's around us. And that's where we head in the next chapter…
Take the Red Pill, Quit the Quo
Book written by Adam Barratt, 2011
Chapter 1: The Status Quo
Chapter 2: Who Am I?
Chapter 3: The Dream Chasing Paradox
Chapter 4: And… Action!
Chapter 5: Decisions, Decisions
Chapter 6: Priorities
Chapter 7: Discipline, Attitude & Patience
Chapter 8: Persistence
Chapter 9: Fear of Criticism
Chapter 10: Kaizen
Chapter 11: Blue Pill Heads & The Not Much Crowd
Chapter 12: Karma
Chapter 13: Rally Call & Final Word
Taking the Red Pill – The Next Level
Book written by Adam Barratt, 2012
Chapter 1: Now Where Were We?
Chapter 2: Routines & Habits
Chapter 3: Perfectionism Plague
Chapter 4: Gossips & Whingers
Chapter 5: Gratitude & Reframing
Chapter 6: Fear Fairies
Chapter 7: Simplify, Minimise, Zen
Chapter 8: You're Not Normal
Chapter 9: Closing