Personal Story With A Soundtrack

As A kid I loved Bruce Lee

Be like water he said....

But guess what?
I didn't listen....
And I went against the tides for many many years.

It´s not on purpose, I just follow my flow.
It was never a conscious decision and I can not pinpoint how it started.

What I do remember is that as a kid I questioned the validity of the world around me and did not agree with the status quo.

Now all that thinking stuff and doing things my way made me the contrarian I told you about a few weeks back.

The Invisible Hand

Nowadays I still do a lot of soul-searching and questioning, and I think that all my life there was this hand that guided me.

Showing me the edges of civilization and then pulling me back into the direction I was supposed to be heading. That does not mean I never felt like a little lost boy.

Been lost quite frequently but there has always been this light at the end of the tunnel, even now I see a hint of light at the horizon.

But what if that light starts fading? What if the invisible hand will flip the switch and turn it off?

These dark tunnels we go through in life are there to make us grow. To prepare me for the next phase.

It´s always darkest just before the dawn

I am not one who lives for birthday parties and weddings, I can´t imagine being stuck in the maelstrom of Business As Usual.

Even when it seems I am surrounded by darkness I always see this little interesting dirt road diverting from the main road and this little voice in me calls out...
"Let´s Go That Way!"

It´s often a long and winding road, a bit lonely although the souls traveling that same road are the ones I would not have wanted to miss out on.

My curiosity leads me up every hill, to see what the view from up there looks like.
Now I am on that road again I realize that I have grown so much without knowing.

When I was a young man I built up myself, achieving the goals I set for myself and enjoying the fruits of my labor. I was at the top of the world but when I looked in the mirror, who looked back at me?

A clueless boy, a flat character from one of my early stories. A little Know-It-Not that did not see beyond the edge of the coffin.

What drove me as a kid, as a teen who believed there was nothing more to this world than what his eyes could see?

Why did I start as a Tabula Rasa?
Why was I an empty page?
Why did I not grow up around knowledge?
Why was I not offered the wisdom I found in these dark tunnels?

I thought that the young man in the mirror was inhuman, incapable to love & feel. He was not, he was more human than I am now.

The boy in the mirror had never looked fear in the eye, never lost love, never reached the point where he was King of the World.

Only deep lasting impressions would scratch his surface, as per the design. He was not meant to become entangled in life's little games that blinded so many.

Nobody Told Me

Why did nobody tell me that?
Why did I not receive the memo?
Why was I made to doubt my sanity?

Because only he who doubts everything is open enough to see all options.
All options, are a blinding perspective especially when you find yourself in a narrow dark tunnel. Still, there is that light, that guiding light.

That light I thought was an unknown hand, and it might truly be. Although I figured it out finally, I recognize the light and how it fits with all that I have to go through.

What Is It All About

Slowly all pieces come together, all lessons start making some kind of sense.
Piecing it together, while I know the answer.
It´s not about the answer, it's about the journey.
About the layers of humanity being peeled away.

About acceptance.
About understanding.
About insight.
About seeing beyond and understanding what I am looking at.

Back then when I looked in the mirror the boy I saw was flesh and bone.
Nothing more than that, nothing more than most.

Then the lessons he set out for himself started to catch up with him.
Why did I allow myself so much time, because the core had to be stable. That boy looking in the mirror was a rock, an empty book with a very hard cover.

If the framework is not built properly, the lessons will bend the soul in breakable directions. I have seen beautiful souls break along the way because the preparation was not done well.

Can the human mind be schizo, can my mind cry about a life lost because the soul was not prepared for the dark tunnel? While at the same time, I know that is what we are here for.

Knowing all souls are part of a much bigger story, an unimaginable bigger picture in which they do not blink when a single or thousand lives are lost.

Not even when those lives are from the educated ones, they will return and continue their road. They will set up the pawns and traps for themselves before they return to the flesh.

A little soul only grows when it learns its lessons, that is why so many think that education is key. They are right, it´s just that the education provided is not the education required.

The education provided is to distract, somehow I knew that from the start. Education distracted me, I got the grades without trying or being interested.

I preferred thinking, doodling, and looking beyond the paved road.

I guess being a contrarian has its benefits. It took me many years to see where this road leads to, understanding that I need to overcome my fleshly being and reach beyond the human desires.

I accept I am part of a very big picture, and that humans are no more than grains of sand in a desert.

How do I become that rock in this desert that offers shade to some of the other grains? It's by following the light through all these dark tunnels as they are the basic steps to reach that light called divinity, but not the godly kind.

Spiritual Divinity

It's not about letting go of being human, it´s accepting being human and all the so-called flaws the flesh offers us, meanwhile overseeing and outgrowing your human limitations.

Ignorance and Spiritual Blindness
Desire and Attachment
Ego and Self-Identification
Fear and Doubt
Anger and Resentment
Pride and Arrogance
Delusion and Distraction

If those sounds familiar Dear Reader, that is not so strange...
Marry the Harlott already presented us with our human limitations many centuries ago.

For now, this is where our journey will end, because most humans have an attention span of 500 words max and I am at 1200 words.

But those of you that are still here, find me again next week. Because this lesson is just getting started.

You just read the latest chapter in my Personal Story With A Soundtrack series.

Some earlier Personal Stories:

ALL ART by MyI & AI unless watermarked or sourced

Personal Story With A Soundtrack - I Know What The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Is!