Personal Story With A Soundtrack

As you all might not know I have been through a bit of a difficult period.

Nothing major, I mean nobody died... well millions died but nobody to whom my heart goes out died. Or they did not tell me yet, you never know in this crazy world.

Instead of building up the tension over a whole post, I think I will swap my standard method of storytelling and start with the bottom line.

I am single
Again
After seven years

And it took about seven months to get there.

Strange Seven-Month Story

Seven months ago my girlfriend was homesick, second time in two years. And I get that living in a country where you did not grow up takes a special kind of person.

The first 5 years she did not mind and I thought it would not happen but when it did it hit her hard that first time around. I think you can call it a depression, but she got over it.

Then it came back 18 months later with a vengeance.

Now I am a calculated spirit and I always had this option in the back of my mind so I was not taken by surprise, even though it changed my life completely.

Once You Leave

The thing is that it´s kinda hard to go back to where you came from if you have been gone for so long. Most doors have closed over time and some doors you do not want to knock on unless you truly have no place left to go.

That is why she struggled through the first homesick episode and came out on top.
But if you are not happy in the country you are living in because you can´t find your way....no matter how much you love your partner it´s probably not enough to stay.

And so homesickness found her again, and as coincidence does not exist she found some people that could provide her with a place to stay.

It started out with staying a few months and seeing how that would go, and slowly developed into the idea of not coming back.

We planned a trip back to the Netherlands just before that homesick story started. We had tickets and a nice place to spend our time. The thing was that the trip would be in June and we just entered December.

The Strangest Break-Up Ever

And so this little end of a love story begins.
At first, we planned for her to stay for some months and we would see where that would leave us.

Soon that ending changed when she decided she would probably not come back.
To make it easier she asked if we could end our intimacy already.

Yes, that is kind of a hint I know. But at the same time, it makes sort of sense. Why continue when you know the outcome is irreversible?

After sharing the same bedroom for so many years I moved my bed into the second bedroom so she could have her place and space.

I have been through break-ups before in all shapes and sizes but this was new. And if I listened to the voices around me they were all so worried.

How will you guys last 7 months without things turning toxic or just sick?

How Toxic Can It Get?

She withdrew more and more to her room talking to her new Dutch friends. Not totally new, they had been gaming online for over a year still now she was more with them than with me.

Which meant I was alone a lot more, and that hurt AF. Those first months I truly had to break down all future plans and build myself up again. And that took tears and determination.

I know Dear Reader, you are wondering why did she not leave earlier. Well, the fact is that one of the reasons she wants to leave is that she is not very good with languages...she thinks.

She does not speak Spanish and the Spanish do not speak anything else. So she really did not want to leave all by herself with all her belongings and as we had tickets booked anyway it was worth the wait.

My fam offered to pay for tickets if things got toxic, friends asked how it was possible we could stay together in that 2 bedroom apartment without blaming & hurting each other.

All I could say was that it ain´t easy but there was lots of respect, and hardly any negativity, probably less negativity than you find in a normal loving relationship.

The Love Did Not Die

It was an unexpected surprise for some, but not for me.

For me it was just a surprise, but I expected it to flow like this. Because our love did not end, our roads just parted.

We had different paths ahead of us, but not for a second I felt angry or cheated.
Not even when a few month down the road I moved her phone and saw chats with emojis that had hearts as eyes.

It confirmed what I expected and it was good. Our intimacy had ended, but not our love or so I thought.

A little later I found someone far away and that allowed her to open up and say that maybe one of her friends had become a bit more than just friends.

Which was fine, because we were just friends. And we lived together as friends and it was good.

We were open and honest, clear & transparent, and that avoided all toxicity & disorder breakups used to bring.

The End Is Near

She had a hard time standing still for seven months and I had a hard time accepting and imagining what my new life would look like.
But it helped me ease into the new mindset, which made it easier to accept that the end was near.

And so the suitcases were packed, 80% hers 20% mine, and ready to take that last flight together.
It took us to a lovely little bungalow, which we planned to enjoy as it had a Sauna and a Jacuzzi.

That might be hard now, and it was harder but we did. Even during those last days, we made the best of it. And then came the day I had to let her go for good.

You might argue that it went well because I still love her, and you would be right Dear Reader but I let her go. I let her go with all my heart and I am ready to continue down my road.

I had months to prepare for this moment, and it was everything I expected.
She went to him and I went to friends and family and let her go.

Then the day arrived I would fly back home, with an empty seat next to me.

Coming Back To Emptiness

When I landed in Spain and opened my phone I had a message.

"It feels a bit double, but have a good trip."

I was glad she felt the same, this should not be easy for the both of us because this closed the door on seven years of being together.

Bikini Bottom Line

When I opened my front door I walked into what I dreaded most, an empty house. Her spirit no longer here, and it was good.

It wasn´t easy but it was good like this.

I was to tired from traveling to really notice until late that night I got another text.

"I don´t know why I miss you so much today, do you miss me?"

I tend to overthink things, so I foresaw this day as one of the closing moments, a big one. She clearly did not expect it so it hit her even harder.

"Of course I miss you, this is the end of one phase and the true start of the next phase. That is not a little thing, it´s only normal that the coming days will be difficult," I responded.

The next morning I read what she responded with later that night.

She had been crying and did not really know why. She asked if I still loved her. That brought tears to my eyes, "Of course, I do still love you. We did not break up because the love was gone. We ended our relationship because we had different roads to travel."

How we ended it was very well done and probably will allow me to keep that love in my heart forever.

I don´t want and don´t see a way back, because I know her life is in The Netherlands and my life is somewhere else.

I do think it´s a little miracle that we broke up and did not kill the love at all.

And here I am starting my next life feeling happy & sad excited and a little lost.
But above all grateful for how these last 7 months have turned out.

You just read the latest chapter in my Personal Story With A Soundtrack series.

Some earlier Personal Stories:

ALL ART by MyI & AI unless watermarked or sourced

Personal Story With A Soundtrack - It took 7 months getting rid of The seven-year itch