I'm just curious ๐ค at what point does love become stupidity? is there a set limit you can endure before saying ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐?.
An ongoing situation with a friend and a second incident that happened has left me pondering this question for a few weeks and till now I still can't wrap my head around it.
Why do we sometimes find it so hard to draw a limit, why would anyone consciously put themselves completely at the mercy of somebody else.
Handing over your entire life, destiny, and future to another person to decide and control as they see fit? And be happy to run with whatever they choose as best for you like some robot on autopilot designed to obey programmed commands.
These thoughts have been flying through my mind ever since so today I decided to throw this question to the community to see what everyone thinks.
I have a friend who I can honestly say is one of the nicest people I have ever met to date.
She is beautiful both inside and out. she is just the kind of friend everyone needs in their lives,๐ ๐๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฅ ๐๐ณ๐ช๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฅ whom we will call Mariam (not her real name).
Mariam has been in a relationship with Mark (not his real name either ๐คซ) for over 3years and they love each other very much.
Mariam loves Mark to the moon and back and would do just about anything for him.
She never gets tired of saying how she couldn't live without him and that he must never leave her because she wouldn't be able to survive it.
Mark had promised to come to see her people finalize plans for their marriage but somehow something always comes up and it keeps getting postponed.
In the course of this relationship, she gave her all to the point that she has had two ๐ induced abortions at Marks behest because whenever she finds out she was pregnant in the past, he tells her he wasn't ready yet and she should get rid of it.
Two Saturdays back I got a WhatsApp message from Mariam and she told me she's pregnant again but Mark is insisting she gets rid of it because he was still planning for their future but promised this would be the last time because their marriage plans were going to happen by January unfailingly.
I advised her not to put herself through that pain again and to keep the child after all between now and January the pregnancy wouldn't be that visible so I didn't see how that would hinder a wedding but she insisted that Mark was angry and that he would leave her if she refuses to follow his decision.
"๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ช ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฌ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ช๐ง ๐ข ๐ด๐ฆ๐น๐ถ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ข๐ค๐ต๐ช๐ท๐ฆ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ๐บ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ข ๐ค๐ฉ๐ช๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ข๐ต ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต ๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ต๐ณ๐ข๐ค๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ต๐ช๐ท๐ฆ๐ด ๐ช๐ต'๐ด #๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ "
Seeing I was unable to convince Mariam I at least got her to talk to Mark's younger sister who is a mutual friend of ours before doing anything.
The younger sister spoke to her family about the issue and Mark's family who I think are nice by the way decided Mariam should have the child and they would take care of her.
They offered to put her on an allowance until the child was born and that they would make sure neither she nor her child lacked anything provided the child was Mark's.
"๐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ด๐ต๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐๐ข๐ณ๐ฌ'๐ด ๐ง๐ข๐ฎ๐ช๐ญ๐บ ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ฐ๐ง๐ง๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ด๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ช๐ณ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ณ๐ณ๐ช๐ข๐จ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ง ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฃ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ฎ ๐ฃ๐ถ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ ๐๐ข๐ณ๐ฌ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ง๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ฏ๐ด๐ช๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด๐ฏ'๐ต ๐จ๐ฐ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ฑ๐ข๐บ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ฎ๐ข๐ณ๐ณ๐ช๐ข๐จ๐ฆ ๐ค๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ช๐ต ๐ข ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฉ๐ช๐ฎ"
I was relieved that the issue got settled so imagine my unpleasant surprise when two days later I got a message from Marian telling me she had taken ๐ to induce the abortion just that morning ๐
In my confusion, I called her back and even her voice sounded pitiful and when she spoke I could hear the pain she was still in.
According to her, she caved in when Mark told her that since she has decided to keep the child then he will be a father to the child but that he will NEVER marry her ๐คทโโ๏ธ so she decided to do it this last time and at least January wasn't too far away so she would just be patient and wait.
I told her my fear was if she decided to continue on this part and ended up with complications that prevent her from conceiving in the future then this same Mark would most like to leave her to get married to a different girl who can give him children and I know this for a fact because I have seen it happen.
For almost a week I couldn't bring myself to speak to her because I felt disappointed but when we meet up in person and I saw the strain she was going through, I decided to forgo the anger and support her as best as I can in the hopes that someday soon she realizes the kind of danger she's putting herself in.
The secondary incident I spoke of happened on Wednesday last week.
I was lying in bed at home that afternoon because the previous night I had slept late when my phone rang.
Initially, I wasn't going to pick the call but it kept ringing and on checking it was one of my super-duper good friends ๐ฅ she is that kind of person who always has a knack for sniffing out information ๐ต๏ธโโ๏ธ you know the kind that could make a living working as an investigative journalist for CNN lol yeah even I have one of that special kind of friend.
She asked me where I was and knowing I was home she asked me to come outside because something was happening close to my house and she was there already ๐คฃ๐คฃ.
When I got there I meet a crowd of mainly angry women, some holding sticks and a few interesting instruments ๐ค I think I even saw a lady holding a medium-sized stone in her hand.
So what happened, A lady who rents one of the shops in that line was involved in a disagreement with her husband.
So her husband had left her and their 4children to move in with another lady who he has even gone ahead to marry traditional (which is allowed here ๐ค ).
That said day he came to his first wife's shop and wanted her to leave the shop he opened for her as he wanted to reclaim it and he also told her to return the keys to the car she uses which he paid for in the past.
When She refused he got physical with her right there in her shop which I later heard was a very common occurrence, him physically assaulting her.
I'm not sure if it was a mistake or deliberate but he ending stabbing her with a sharp object close to her left eye and that was when all the women turned on him.
The crowd of women pounced on the husband and gave him a beating I'm sure he would not forget in a hurry.
when I saw the state of the man when I got there I almost pitied him with his clothes tattered and cuts all over smh he was lucky some people choose to intervene and save him from the mob of angry women because who knows how the story might have ended.
So we see two women, the first who loves and doesn't think twice before putting her life at risk to keep her relationship and make her spouse happy.
On the other hand, we have a mother of four who is legally married but has borne a husband's indifference and physical assault for years without taking a stand for herself and her children.
What are your thoughts on both these true stories? is it enough to endure and hope things get better, or is the solution to walk away when a situation no longer makes you happy?.
If you ask my opinion I will reference a previous ๐ฃ๐ข๐ฆ๐งof mine where I gave my view on a situation like this, that was my stand then and it is still my stand today.
Thank you for reading and see you all soon ๐
