My Mind Is A Mess


Reminiscing is probably one of the hobbies that I ought to drop. It is not bringing me much good aside from wasting my time and making me think unneccessary things.

But since I have yet to fund a way to stop it from happening, I decided to just find a way to manage it. The one that works is by writing them down. Freewriting is something that I have been doing for years. Most times, I write without any topic in mind but sometimes I write with a specific topic.

Tonight, I think I'll try to write about some words strangers have told me that stayed in my mind.

Disclaimer: The words are translated from Filipino to its rough English equivalent.

"It feels nice to talk to you."

This is probably one of the things that are said multiple times but rarely meant. But when some sincerely means these words, I can feel it and it makes me happy.

"Did you ever wonder that maybe your body is your best asset?"

This comes from a real stranger HAHA. I mentioned something about not wanting to be known for just for my body and this is the response I received. Like no, I am pretty sure, my braind is my best asset HAHA. It is not like I pay attention to my physical appearance anyway.

I don't know if anyone will be happy to receive this but I don't really find it helpful. The only thing it was good at was that it irritated me enough to get me out of my sad mood.

"Let's meet, I'll pick you up with my car. We don't have to do anything, I just want a hug."

This is probably the words that I always laigh about HAHAHAHA. Imagine receiving this from someone you barely know. As if I would actually trust anyone to stay true to their word of just hugging HAHAHA.

The people who send these types of messages were a great source of entertainment back then. I surely do not miss talking to them though HAHA.

"Don't you think it's unfair that you are leading someone on to think that there is hope but you don't really see one?"

This is actually the reason why I wanted to write an article today HAHA. This was asked to me by someone I was talking to before. He was my type, and I was his type as well. But when we started talking, I never really took it seriously. I just see it as a way to pass time. But his words made me stop for a bit.

I guess maybe that is one of the reason why I managed to stop flirting as a game. That question really made me remember some people who opened up about feeling alone and then being glad I was there to talk with them. The promises I told that I will not jist suddenly stop talking to them but then suddenly doing just what I promised not to do.

It is weird though because I know that there was never really anything serious between us despite the fact that we were attracted with each other. Also, we are both engineering students HAHA. That alone is enough for me to be sure that the two of us were talking with other people. I did not even feel guilty when I ended up ghosting him. Sure, sometimes I miss being able to talk with someone who I find attractive HAHA but I think that I made the right call.

Just a general tip, syay away from engineering students or engineers if you want a lasting conversation HAHAHA. Just kidding, of course. It still depends on the person, not the field where one is.

"You believed in me so I have a reason to continue."

This is one sentence that stuck with me. I actually do not remember clearly who told me this, but it was said to me at the right time. I am not sure how I could have continued doing what I do if I had not encountered that person at the time. I am actually not sure if this sentence came from one of my quaranflings or not. That is not the point anyway HAHA. The point is that it reminded me that sometimes a little encouragement could mean a lot for someone. So I try not to shy away from giving encouragement after that.

"I wish that when you feel okay again, I'll be the one who you will want to talk to first."

This came from a manipulative sadboi that I talked to more than a year ago. I do not know why he thought that being pushy about something will make me change my mind. I think I was even kinder to let him know about me wanting to end things instead of just ghosting him out of nowhere HAHA.

But yeah, for months after this, he kept sending me messages not knowing that I already ignored his messages on Messenger HAHA. I only knew about it because I accidentally ignored a GC that I needed so I checked my spam, and found our that he was sending me messages.

Closing words

I am pretty sure you can tell that my mind is a mess right now HAHA. I have a lot of topics I wanted to write about today but I could not finish any of it until this one. I was actually planning on not publishing it but then I remember that tomorrow is for my sister's article so I wanted to publish one tonight.

Also I am just too busy with catching up with multiple GC that I do not really feel up to the task of going through my notification tonight. I'll try my best to do it tomorrow though. Good night!

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