As I visited the mall earlier, I saw bright and colorful Christmas decorations.
And then I caught a glimpse of a white reindeer that seemed to be looking at the brighter side of life, literally and figuratively.
Suddenly, it made me recall that Christmas is approaching, and yet, I still felt buried in the dark with my emotions of sadness and despair for losing my younger sister.
I used to believe that life was unfair. I thought that it was only me who experienced the same thing. Even with how hard we try to look at and choose the brighter side of life, we can still find ourselves in the darkness. Fortunately, we can see ourselves slowly growing.
Negative attractions like accidents are inevitable, and let me generalize that life circumstances are unavoidable.
But what is evitable, feasible, accurate, and the standard is our ability to go through the pains and still come out like nothing ever happened.
It is pretty challenging, life will always be the same, but how we view life might change, but I was hoping I could do something for myself and see life as it is the same as when I had never embraced difficulties.
It is hard to control my emotions when something is severe. But I must have a way to control my feelings so they don't become a burden on my mind afterward.
All I want is to get up and fight depression, fight loneliness, and low self-worth.
I firmly believe that everything is temporary and will be fine very soon. I am praying and hoping to feel better at a perfect time.
There are days when we say we are okay. When in reality, we are not; it gets complicated when we are in a place of pain and sadness not to get buried in the dark, but it is not about how long we stay there for it is about how we can process those emotions and come out of that period with a positive mindset to move forward.
Despite choosing the brighter side of life, it is inevitable to reflect that there were days when I felt buried in the dark, and that is when I was able to experience a painful reality. And it is funny how some people fear the dark, but it is my home and the only place where I feel safe and can just be me.
Sometimes, one thing I am good at is picking myself up after a very disastrous moment. I find it very easy myself. There are a lot of times that I have cried and got depressed due to a particular issue, but I was able to stand firm. And that is gaining power through the darkness.
Emotions are holding us in everything we do. It is tough for me when I am at my weakest. I want to stay in my room, and I do not feel like talking to anyone.
Perhaps I could never forget those days when I felt depressed due to a traumatic accident. It has been three months now, and recalling those days made a part of me buried in the dark.
If only she were alive. If only.
I was so depressed then, and I felt like I could not go back to standard anymore. How I wish it did not happen to our family. The saddest part is losing a loved one while drowning myself. It is tough when you cannot express yourself, and it is more challenging when you have no one to talk to. I felt buried by pain through the darkest times of my life.
However, through holding on to the ropes of hope and faith, I was able to conquer all my fears and sorrows. And through my loving friends and family, I rose again with a great power to stand, walk, and move forward with life.
Little by little, I see myself as the old me who was once lively, smiling, and happy. A part of me does not allow what I am going through to define me. It is okay to break down and cry when it hurts, but I do not want to stay on the ground crying all my life, for it is hard to control when something is severe.
Disclaimer: All texts and pictures are my own unless otherwise stated.