Captain Brazer's eyes widened as he looked at the rapidly approaching village. "Get them sails lowered, we're gettin' close to the dock. Ye lookin' to hit it?"
A sailor leaned on an ancient mop, and looked at him. "Aye, Captain! Er, I mean no, Captain."
The captain shook his head, then went to following his own orders. "If I waited for Quickwits to do it, we'd not come to a stop before we reached the pub. Then he'd jump overboard before we could even set out the plank..."
Predictably, once they were ashore, Quickwits was the first to find the pub. He was also the last to leave it.
"Well, at least I'll know where to find him, if I can't recruit a sharper sailor to take his place," thought the captain.
Three days later, Rags stood in front of Captain Brazer. "Is the cargo loaded and secured, Sailor?"
"Aye, and I think Quickwits knew ye were lookin' to replace him. He hauled the kegs of water from the town well all by himself, a few a day."
The captain nodded. "That's a good sign. None of the lads around here suited my purpose. Either too scrawny, or too skittish. I'll have to wait until I get to a bigger port to replace him."
Rags studied his exposed toes. "Permission to speak freely, Captain?"
Captain Brazer frowned. "Granted."
Rags scuffled his almost bare feet before he met the captain's eyes. "He's worked hard while in port, but I've yet to see him lift a finger at sea, unless threatened. If he just eats and sleeps like he did on the way here, aren't we better off shorthanded?"
The captain nodded, his jaw set. "Aye. But I don't plan to let him. I'll be gettin' work out of him, one way or another. He's as lazy as he is quick-witted, but I have a plan to break him of it."
Without asking for details, Rags went back to work.
Soon they were underway, with a stiff breeze. All went well for several days, then the captain and crew began to feel strange.
"Set anchor," ordered Captain Brazer.
On his way to his cabin, he saw Quickwits lounging by the scuttlebutt, his tin cup half full. Suddenly the sailor belched, and a familiar look crossed his face.
Captain Brazer strode over and took the little tin cup. He put it to his lips. "It tastes like water," he said.
Quickwits trembled. "What else would it be? I just got it from the scuttlebutt."
"What?" asked the captain, glaring.
"I just got the water from the scuttlebutt. Is something wrong?"
The sailor was met with silence.
He stood thinking for almost a full minute. "Captain."
The captain nodded briskly, then walked away - with the cup.
After he closed the hatch, he poured a small amount into a bowl. When he touched a match to it, the liquid burst into flame.
Captain Brazer pounded his table. "Water my eye!"
Storming out of his cabin and marching over to the scuttlebutt, he roared "get me a clean cup! Now!" at nobody in particular.
Three sailors slid to a halt in front of him, each holding a tin cup. He took one, and filled it with enough liquid from the scuttlebutt to cover the bottom.
In front of his curious audience, he lit a match, and dropped it in the cup.
"Alcohol," whispered those gathered.
Captain Brazer looked towards his wheel, then at the scuttlebutt. "Aye. But how is it we've been drinking vodka instead of water today? Who filled the scuttlebutt?"
Slowly Rags stepped forward, meeting the captain's eyes. "I filled it, from one of our kegs of water. I swear I didn't put anything in!"
Captain Brazer's hand rested on his knife sheath. "And who exactly brought this keg aboard?"
"Only one man brought water aboard this time, Captain. Quickwits did the job of three men," boasted Rags.
Quickwits looked like he wanted to disappear.
"Did he, now? Quickwits, how many of these kegs have somethin' other than water in them?"
The sailor, now completely sober, closed his eyes. "Only the one, Captain. I put it to the back, thinking it wouldn't get used."
"Well it did get used! What if we'd all been staggerin' around the deck during a big blow?!?!"
Quickwits cringed, but remained silent.
Captain Brazer smiled at the figure huddled on his deck. "I should make you walk the plank. But I'm going to do something much, much worse."
The big sailor whimpered, glancing at the heavy bullwhip next to the mast.
"Oh, I'm going to do better than that," he whispered. "That's right, you're going to work, like you've never worked before. Double shifts every day, and no pay. You can get started now, by getting rid of your extra keg."
When they finally sighted land a month later, the crew heard a splash. "Man overboard, Quickwits has jumped ship!" exclaimed Rags.
Captain Brazer nodded in satisfaction. "I think he's learned his lesson. If not, at least he won't be near our scuttlebutt again. Good riddance!"
Cover image made in Canva Pro using their gallery
